What do you think, Mantriji , of your car’s red beacon being removed?
Excellent move, excellent! I applaud the opportunity to crawl along in pathetic traffic with the common man. In fact, now instead of being two hours late for an event, I can be four hours late. We must look at the positive side of everything.
But, weren’t you caught on camera chasing away someone who was trying to remove your red beacon?
Not at all. I was waving my broom at him encouragingly. I have been making sweeping changes across my constituency. I had called a press conference to observe my sweeping when this fellow starts removing my red beacon.
You had also promised the people free cell phones if you were elected.
Yes, but how can I do that when my son-in-law’s company got the contract to provide cell phones and the media is calling it a shell company? It is a cell company, not a shell company, I keep saying. They are just trying to blacken my name.
Yes, we remember how they also caught you watching porn on your cell phone, in office.
Not at all, not at all. I was just reviewing the people I should donate free clothes to. My nephew’s clothing brand is ready to take the contract.
But back to your red beacon. We see that some of your 11 cars still have it.
It must be on my wife’s cars. You see, she was late for a flight and they wouldn’t even hold the plane for her. These airlines people, so rude and unhelpful; they should get beaten up.
And they did. So you do not see this red-beacon removal as a problem?
Well, always rise above petty problems, and petty people, I say. So, I have ordered a helicopter. So I can rise. My daughter-in-law’s company has the contract to source it.
With tax-payer’s money?
It is the common people’s money. Am I not one of the common people? Have I not visited every country abroad to find out the best ways to make sweeping changes for the common people?
What is your promise for the next election?
Red beacons for all. I will donate to every household, whether they have cars or not, a red light. We will make it mandatory. We shall make this entire constituency a red light area. After all, why should only some people benefit?
How then will you cut across traffic if everyone else has a beaming red light too?
I will use the blue light. You see, in times of stress, I get an attack of acidity. So, I have been calling for an ambulance. There it comes now – excuse me, I need to get to the airport in time, for my overseas vacation. It has been such a stressful time.
Where Jane De Suza, the author of Happily Never After , talks about the week’s quirks, quacks and hacks
