Q: What is sedition and how can I qualify for it?
A: You cannot qualify; sedition is not like the Olympics, although politicians act as if it is when they attempt to break the previous record they have set themselves.
Q: Can you be arrested for sedition if your autocorrect changes a message?
A: I don’t understand, give me an example.
Q: Well, a friend told his girlfriend to stop messaging him and signed off: “I hate you Indira”.
A: So what?
Q: Autocorrect changed that to “I hate you India”, and now he has gone into hiding in Call crater, sorry, Kolkata.
A: We reserve judgement on that.
Q: Can you be arrested for sedition if you report on Pakistan’s cricket matches and write, “Pakistan played better than India today?”
A: Of course you can. What a silly question.
Q: What if my wife is from Pakistan and I tell her “I love you” 20 times a day?
A: It is fine so long as you say, “I love myself” 21 times.
Q: What if I drop into Pakistan unexpectedly to hug the Prime Minister and wish him a happy birthday?
A: The very question sounds seditious. I will not answer it.
Q: Is it sedition to write about sedition?
A: You’ll have your answer soon.
Q: Can I say anything about Pakistan that is not seditious?
A: Of course. You can say the place is hell. That the people are all animals. That Mohenjo-daro actually belongs to India. That they have the worst leg spinner in the world.
Q: But these are not true…
A: Take that back at once – you are balancing on the edge of sedition here.
Q: Can a Pakistani be arrested for sedition if he praises India?
A: Don’t you remember what happened to their cricket captain Shahid Afridi when he said that he has more fans in India?
Q: Yes, but his detractors didn’t say, “Go live in India”. That sounds more like a blessing than a curse, doesn’t it, unlike in the case of Amir Khan and others invited by angry Indians to live in Pakistan?
A: Exactly. Sedition and nationalism are defined by which side of the border you are on.
Q: What are the no-go areas?
A: Kashmir, Amnesty International, Binayak Sen, JNU, Ramya.
Q: You mean I cannot have opinions on these issues?
A: Of course you can, so long as they agree with those who see sedition everywhere.
Q: To see sedition in a grain of sand, and more sedition in a wild flower?
A: Very clever. You have just ruined William Blake for me.
Q: Wasn’t Blake too on trial for sedition?
A: Yes, he found a drunk soldier in his garden and when he refused to leave, marched him out. The soldier swore to a buddy that Blake had ‘damned the King of England’. This was at the turn of the 19th century, but Blake was acquitted by a jury.
Q: So nothing has changed?
A: No comment.
Suresh Menon is Contributing Editor, The Hindu
