Respect kicks the bucket. Alas! There will be no funeral. There seems to be no finality to this death. Welcome to the era of perpetual online massacre.
It happened last week when a short video called My Choice was released on YouTube. All hell broke loose. This was not the first time a piece of work had been criticised. But, everything about the merciless attack against the video was immensely disturbing.
The video is certainly not without flaws. A phrase such as ‘sex outside of marriage’ cannot be so loosely used where it would seem as if infidelity is being glorified, agreed. The particular tone with which the script was delivered could seem defensive, agreed. However, as far as calling it ‘anti-men’ is concerned, I fail to see any part of the video that meant stripping men of their choices. I respect men and I believe in equal rights for all genders. But since when is a reminder about choices of one gender inversely proportional to the choices of another?
The script uses the terms ‘I’, ‘us’ and ‘you’. Yes, it is specifically addressed to those men who are brought up believing it is normal for women to not have a say in matters related to how they spend their time, how they feel about their body and how they feel sexually. It is also addressed to those women who bring up their girls making sure they do not cross such lines drawn by our largely patriarchal system.
As far as the accusation of misleading young women is concerned, the video does not preach that women must come home late, that they must wear skimpy clothes, that they must not marry or have children, that they must have extra-marital affairs. It simply reminds us that a woman must not be tied down and made to do anything simply because of her gender. It talks about choices that are still a taboo for many, simply because they are women.
I certainly do not support fraudulent cases of abuse against men. It is important to understand, though, that neither do abuse against men negate the abuse on women nor does the fight against each stand against one another. They are both equally pertinent issues that need solutions.
To generalise and validate sexism, rape and demands of dowry as choices of men (as mentioned in a very ‘famous’ comment against the video) in order to defend a cause, which the video hasn’t offended in the first place, seems sillier and far more misleading than the alleged suggestion of infidelity as a choice.
It is not the only one, but to have a say about one’s body and sex life is an inevitable part of empowerment. The choice of everything related to one’s body is up to that particular individual – man, woman or transgender; straight, homosexual or bisexual. They spoke for women in this video but that does not make it mutually exclusive to the freedom of others.
I have been told that the video does nothing for women in rural areas and breaking moulds is easier for ‘privileged’ people as they have a voice and the means to do so. To assume that the 99 women featured in the video were born privileged and empowered is a convenient assumption. That they have the means and a voice is the very reason they should be a part of raising awareness.
I am an actor, myself. I was not born into a life of privileges. I have been constantly asserting my freedom to choose – physically, sexually, educationally and financially. The only privilege I have is my family who, even when they do not understand, choose to respect my choices. I see my friends who, despite not having any such support system, are choosing to struggle and succeed in asserting their freedom as an individual. It has never been easy but that is no reason to give up something that is most essential to our being.
An established columnist and ‘opinion-shaper’ said in her generous ridiculing of the video that the freedom of choices regarding matters related to sex, body, and the way they dress are the least of concerns for the aam aurat . That is probably the most encapsulating statement for the aam aurat , however you choose to define the term. Be it limiting the term aam aurat to only the working class and womenfolk in rural areas or caring enough to see that every woman is an aam aurat in her own right and fights her specific battles every day to be treated more as an individual and less as a gender.
No educational degree or financial comfort would hold much ground if one is forced to surrender the most basic of human rights – the right to one’s own body. The few who have access to education and can assert financial freedom do not necessarily have freedom of choices related to their bodies ranging from marriage to motherhood to clinical advices and treatments, even. There are several aspects to empowerment and all of them go hand-in-hand. None of them is dispensable. Why pit one against the other?
What started as plain disagreement quickly gave way to what can only be described as a never-ending verbal massacre of every little detail of the style of the video. From the slow-motion shots, black and white colour tone, the gender of the makers to the metaphors used in the script and the choice of the word ‘choice’, nothing has been spared.
The most attacked, though, is the lead actor. Everything about her has become an object of ridicule. Most of all, the incomprehensible fixation with a shot in the video in which she adjusts her bra strap!
While they scream at her saying that feminism is not about showing her bra , little do they realise that they are belittling her and every other women the same way the mighty Women’s Liberation Movement (WLM) of the 1960’s and 1970’s was trivialised and ridiculed by branding it only as a ‘bra-burning’ campaign. A revolution that took years to culminate and resulted in restoring equal rights socially, economically and politically for women.
I shall wait to be shunned for drawing such a parallel. But, the ones who will strive to think before throwing a fist will realize that the point is that the WLM did not just happen one fine day. Several little reminders empowered them to consistently fight for what was rightfully theirs.
The countless open letters written to the lead actor ridiculing everything about her in the most profane, sarcastic and distasteful language only go to show that people no longer give two hoots whether the content makes sense or not. It has largely become entertaining that a vast majority gets to collectively abuse one person.
Sadly, this is only one of the examples of the epidemic of an unrelentingly sadistic disease contracted by the online world. Truth is, this video is one of the many creative expressions about one very important aspect of empowerment.
Agree or disagree with, even misunderstand the style of expression but that will not change the need for it.
Let us discuss everything for a better future for all of us. Would it be too much to hope, though, to do so with respect?
Admitting that you may not know everyone’s battle and trying to be sensitive does not make you weak. These are not seen as qualities in the big bad world of social media where, you are taught that the more disgusting the expletives and sarcasm hurled at others, the more powerful you are.
This could change. If we make as much effort to understand as we do to disagree. If we try to understand that the basic idea is to co-exist. Couldn’t we all benefit from this? Could we try to resuscitate respect?
Could we restore it where it belongs – in our character?
