Mother’s Day just passed us by, and the usual gifting options were being advertised everywhere. Flowers, cards, jewellery or vouchers for spa treatments… all perfectly good ideas, of course. But if you really want to make a mom – especially the mom of a toddler – happy, you’ve got to get more creative with the gifts.
In that spirit, here’s my wish-list of five gift vouchers for future Mother’s Day celebrations. They don’t cost anything, and they’re guaranteed to be a hit with moms. (And dads, please note: these need not be gifted only on the second Sunday of May. Any ol’ Sunday would work just as well).
1. The No Shoes voucher. With this gift, moms would be exempt from having to put on or take off or hunt for their toddler’s shoes for 24 hours. In fact, you can pretend that those little candy-coloured torture devices don’t exist. Your hands shall not touch Velcro, and you shall not utter the words, “Where are your shoes?” or “Put on your shoes!” You will not, on this special day, have to bend over repeatedly in constricted spaces such as the backseat of the car to put the shoes on, only to have the toddler take them off precisely five seconds later. (Note: A similar voucher can be issued for pants/underpants).
2. The Silence and Space voucher. Since signing up for a few hours in a sensory deprivation tank might prove rather expensive, moms can, instead, avail of this gift offer on Mother’s Day. This basically means that you can disappear into the study/extra bedroom in the house to ‘work’, and daddy gets to hang out with the toddler for the day. Toddler Noise Cancellation headphones may come in handy to block out any sound of singing, off-key toy instruments or cartoon themes that happen to filter through. (Note: The gift can be extended through the night, whereby mom sleeps snugly alone in spare bedroom and the toddler drapes herself over daddy in the main bedroom, for a change.)
3. The No-Worry voucher: The best thing about this voucher, moms, is that you can grant it to yourself. All you have to do is wake up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and say, “Today I will not worry about my toddler.” All anxious thoughts – is she eating enough? Is she coming down with something? Why hasn’t she pooped? Have we chosen the right school for her? Am I doing enough for her? Am I doing too much for her and spoiling her? – can be shoved out of your head, without guilt, for the entire 24-hour period. (Note: Dads and other relatives can help by not suggesting or insinuating at any part of the day that anything might be wrong with the toddler.)
4. The Toy-Free voucher: When given this precious voucher, you will simply no longer notice the toys in the house. They, for all intents and purposes, are invisible to you. All toddler requests to “find teddy/dolly/microscopically tiny Santa Claus from the top of the Christmas cake/random blue Lego block that was dropped three days ago at the bottom of the laundry basket” will be directed to daddy or any other available adult. And you may completely ignore the toy clutter around you. Something poking you in the foot? Put on house slippers. Something on the couch? Just brush it off. Who’s going to clear up the mess? Not you, mom, not you.
5. The No-Repetition voucher: Is there a book you’ve read for your child so often you can recite it in your sleep? Bedtime songs you’ve sung so often that the words stick in your throat? A cartoon you’d rather gouge out your eyes than watch again? Of course, there is. You’re the mom of a toddler. Well, this voucher means that you can issue a blanket veto on anything you’ve read/sung/watched/listened to more than a 100 times for 24 hours. On this day, new songs shall be sung. New books read. New cartoons introduced. They might be annoying, but hey, at least it’s the first time you’re seeing or listening to them.
Happy Mother’s Day, ladies!
