They are marathon couples. Saroja and Sam C. Bose, Mahema and Manohar Devadoss, Padmini and J. Vasanthan celebrated 50 years of marriage before each of them lost a partner. What made them stick with each other? They say it is the challenges, success and failures they faced together, besides learning to compromise.
For Dr.Sam C Bose, the success of their marriage was in meeting half way when differences erupted between him and his wife. He says one of his professors once told him, “Never expect her to climb up the stairs, you must climb down.”
It is the humour in his marriage to Mahema that Manohar Devadoss remembers most fondly. “We also believed in doing things together and being involved in each other’s activities.”
As her husband was temperamental, Padmini Vasanthan learnt never to argue with him. A calm approach and the ability to allow her husband to let off steam was her way of cementing an already strong bond.
Theirs was a marriage made in heaven and the love lives on even after their significant other are no more.
Dr.Sam C Bose, 85 years, renowned plastic and reconstructive surgeon:
It was in June 1946 that Dr.Sam C Bose first set eyes on Pattada Saroja Uthaya. “She was pencil-slim, her two neatly tied plaits hung in front. She wore her sari in the Coorgi style, with neat pleats and pallu brought over the right shoulder” – he remembers every detail. They were both standing in separate queues to pay the tuition fee for the MBBS course in Madras Medical College. It was love at first sight for him. “But I did not stand a chance,” he recalls. Saroja was the most popular student. She was the lead singer in the college choir, secretary of the fine arts club. Admirers swarmed around her. When Sam Bose declared his love, she shot him down citing difference of religion, caste, language and social upbringing.
“When she flunked her pre-registration exams twice in a year, we became partners for combined studies,” he smiles. This meant they saw more of each other. But it still took 10 years of wooing before Saroja capitulated and they got married in 1956.
“I think she gave in because of my sheer persistence”, says Sam Bose. Both finished MS - he in General Surgery and she in Gynaecology and Obstetrics. He was posted to Madurai Medical College and she to Udipi. She switched to Physiology to be with him and joined him in Madurai. They raised two sons and two daughters.
Sam and Saroja studied and worked together, helped each other in their professional accomplishments. They faced adversities and happiness together. With the birth of their children and the arrival of their grandchildren, they reiterated their commitment to each other. “We realised so many lives were dependent on us in different ways”, he says. She suffered from osteo-arthritis for more than a decade and moved around with a walker and was later confined to a wheelchair. But her zest for life, her kindness, her smile and her love remained intact till the end in 2010, says Sam Bose.
“It has been a beautiful life based on faith and love”
Manohar Devadoss, 77 years, technocrat-artist-writer:
Instead of the customary gold ring, Manohar presented his wife an “engagement letter” on their wedding day. “I had included an ink drawing of Michelangelo’s David. Mahema told me it was far more precious than any gold ring,” he remembers. “On our next wedding anniversary I crafted a special card and wrote on it: ‘What more can I offer you than my promise that I will stand by you and that we shall together overcome any challenge…’ I was always with her till her death in 2008.
Art, music, books and travels bound them. And of course, their daughter. A fairytale life turned dark when an accident turned Mahema into a quadriplegic and confined her to a wheel chair. Around the same time his eyesight started degenerating too, owing to a genetic disorder retinitis pigmentosa.
Mano and Mahe always led a normal life and their house always tinkled with laughter of family friends and visitors.
“I would call her my sack of potatoes and claim that I would transfer the heavy sack from the wheelchair to the car as if it was a basket of flowers. She would retort that I was very strong because primitive men are usually strong,” he recalls. Mano hated it if anyone showed pity to his wife. He remembers an incident when a doctor humiliated her. Mano gave the doctor a verbal lashing. Mano remembers, “That evening, for the first time, Mahe called me her knight in shining armour.”
“Enchantment is the only word that comes to my mind when I think about my life with Mahema.”
Padmini Vasanthan, 77 years, Retired English teacher:
When Prof. Vasanthan went to see Padmini, for the first time, she was charmed by his chivalry. “In a drawing room full of relatives when I was serving snacks, he stood up, smiled at me and came to help me with the tray,” Padmini recalls. He was very creative. “Even while speaking, he would scribble on any available piece of paper and there would be a beautiful drawing on it, in no time at all,” she says. When their daughter was born, he gave away all the money he was carrying in his wallet to the nurses who crowded around him with the good news.
Vasanthan enjoyed the company of children and loved to visit friends. He was also an ardent hockey player and was thrilled when he got the opportunity to be with legendary hockey player Dhyan Chand. He would always take his wife for the hockey matches to the Race Course grounds.
Padmini’s most ardent admirer was her husband. “He would always say how beautiful I looked even in a simple cotton saree and always made me blush,” she says.
Since both Padmini and Vasanthan were teaching, they spent more time together only after retirement. “We always travelled together and watched English movies together,” she says. “Our bond only grew stronger with each passing year.”
As his end drew near, Padmini remained by his side constantly. “He looked at me with sadness in his eyes and whispered ‘I love you but I have to leave you’. I will never forget this moment and his words.”
