Stuck in time: Does your posse of pals act like life should be a re-run of your college days?
Look around you – if your bestie is a drunk 40-year-old dad of two dancing clumsily to Bryan Adams’ ‘18 Till I Die’, that is a bad sign. Life is not a TV sitcom, where continuity is essential to keep the series going.
If you are refusing to leave a shared apartment, move to another city or get out of a bad relationship because it’ll ‘break up the group’, remember that being stuck in a time-warp is never healthy for anyone. As your friends change, your equation with them needs to change too.
Don’t be afraid to ditch a friend if you don’t agree with the direction they’re going in; or to make a new friend if you meet someone great.
Married to the group: All your married pals pushing you to get hitched to the girl or guy that everyone in the group knows and loves? You may be the human sacrifice at the altar of ‘the greater good of the group’.
Cliques that have existed for a long time often strenuously reject outsiders in an effort to maintain the group’s cohesiveness. But that is no reason why you should be coerced into finding love within the rigid confines of your common social circle.
Being forced into a marriage by your friends is just as bad as being forced by your parents!
You decide who you want to spend your life with – never mind getting the person ‘vetted’ by friends.
Held back by jealous friends: Be aware that your friends are only human. It is human nature to feel envious of a person who started at the same place, and has got further than you have. A real friend will push the green-eyed monster into a dark cupboard.
A frenemy will let it go on a rampage, raining on your parade with snide, guilt-inducing remarks that make you feel bad about being successful. So when one friend pouts and moans about how you’ll be leaving everyone behind if you take that fabulous job abroad; while the other one helps you pack and adds you on Skype, you know who your real friend is, and you can communicate with them.
Being the gang’s ATM: Are you the ‘rich kid’ of the gang who ends up paying for everyone, all the time? Are you the butt of barbed jokes that you don’t really find funny, in spite of your efforts to be popular by treating your friends? If you answered yes to one or both, you’re being used. Friends you have to buy are parasites, not friends. Distance yourself from your blood-sucking buddies and seek out people who like you for yourself. It is not easy to make new friends. But it is nowhere near as hard as being around people who secretly despise you.
