Dating and hanging out has undergone a sea change with the Smartphone generation. We now look forward to meet strangers through apps instead of traditional ways or through common friends. There is a structure to how we choose partners. It is not just about meeting by chance and feeling an instant connect, but by looking at how ‘attractive’ someone is online. We think that person might be a perfect fit. Over the last few years, dating and meet-up apps have proliferated, changing the way we even interact.
“It depends on what you are there for,” says Jacob, a publicist, who has friends using dating apps. He doesn’t feel that meeting people through apps is always risky. “Most of these apps are connected to Facebook, so you can do a quick background check before meeting them.” He says there are benefits to dating apps. “Earlier people met each other through common friends, but if a couple broke up, the whole group would get affected. That possibility is reduced when it comes to apps. Also, if you were to meet someone at a club, it would be difficult to gauge whether they are single or not. But in an app you know they are single for sure.”
Parul, a graphic designer and illustrator, prefers the website, Floh. “I am not interested in a fling. That’s why I chose Floh because it works differently. You meet people at events and then get onto the website to get in touch with the person you find interesting. A mail is sent with the names of all the people you met.”
She adds that there has never been an offline dating scene in India. “How many people would approach you at a bar? So apps are a good way to meet people. I don’t think there is anything like a good and bad platform. It’s how you use apps. With Tinder, there are three kinds of people – those looking for a fling, some into casual dating and I know many who have met their life partners on Tinder.”
Not all apps are free. Some argue that it ensures quality check, Jacob says: “It takes the joy out of meeting.” He adds that meet-up apps make it easier to approach people. “Being a publicist, I find it easy to strike up a conversation. But for someone who is shy, connecting through apps is better.” As for how apps have affected personal interaction, he says, “Hanging out has reduced due to work, I would think. Not for apps.”
Ankit Poddar, an entrepreneur in Bengaluru, who has designed a new app, Hookedup, which will be functional from November, says, “These days, even when we are in a mall surrounded by people, we wouldn’t notice anyone because we are so busy with our phones!” He says Hookedup is not a dating app, but for meeting up. “Our tagline is connect, meet, date. Unlike dating apps which people access only to date, Hookedup is about people meeting based on similar interests.”
Alex Mathew speaks of Grindr, an app for the gay community. “Unlike, Tinder, there is no disliking pictures. Earlier, people would meet and be attracted. Now they see pictures and feel attracted.”
Counsellor with InnerSight, Mahesh Natarajan, says dating and meet-up apps are a double-edged sword. “The advantage is that you get to meet people with similar interests, especially for those coming from outside the city. The danger is some take extraordinary risks. People should use apps judiciously especially when they use these apps out of loneliness.” Instead of creating a profile that you perceive might be more attractive, Mahesh says it’s best to “Be yourself.”
Alex adds “It’s best to be honest. Some guys con others by putting up pictures of models. I say be frank about who you are. Sometimes people look different in person, but when they meet there is a connection.”
Even pick-up lines have changed a bit. “I think ‘hi’ or ‘what’s up’ is boring,” says Jacob, “I like to start with something like, Pepsi or Coke? I know of two people who began their conversation with Top Ramen or Maggi and coffee or tea, and that continued, and they eventually met.”
