Unable to become popular on Facebook? What are apps for!

Feeling depressed? Can’t focus on work? Lost your appetite? Can’t sleep at nights? Millions of people are suffering from the same symptoms that you are. And the problem is the same — you are unable to become popular on Facebook. So how do you know if people really want to be your friend? Take the following test and find out. Respond to each statement with a simple Yes or No.

You reach the bottom of your Facebook page without scrolling down even once.

The only message that you see prominently is that ‘There are no older posts left to show’.

A whole week passes and none of your friends is celebrating a birthday.

Nobody has poked you or has sent you a quiz on which animal you resemble while sleeping.

You have never been tagged in a photo.

You stay away from Facebook for a whole day, but no one wants to know why.

No comment of yours has ever been shared.

None of your posts have been liked.

Your friend requests rarely get accepted.

You never get invited to join the Uvula Lovers page or the I Miss Bell-bottoms group.

If you have said ‘Yes’ to even one of these statements, you have a problem. However, it’s not the end of the world. (And we’re not saying that just because December 21 has come and gone.) An expert application software developer has come forward with a host of free apps that you can download and change your destiny.

LIKE (Liv It Kewl Enterprise) is a start-up founded by Shawn Fanning, who, after the Napster debacle, realised he didn’t have a friend in the world — or at least on Facebook. So he decided to do something about it — and the result was LIKE apps. Here are the most downloaded ones:

Paris Hilton app — This helps present your best-looking friends and celebs right at the top of your friends list when someone is looking through your profile page or timeline.

FILO (First In Last Out) app — Regardless of whenever you respond to anyone’s update, your comment will always be seen as the most recent one, with all the other comments collapsed under ‘View 83 more comments’.

Fevicol app — Your post will stick to the top half of the screen even if there are a zillion posts before yours, so your friends can see your status update without having to scroll down and will never miss out on what you have to say.

Terminator app — You thought you were the first to comment on the topic. You were sure that yours was the smartest one-liner. You were wrong. The bad news is that the whole world posted on it. And worse — every other comment has more ‘likes’ than yours. The Terminator app comes in handy during such times — to locate and delete all other comments that have the same key words.

Boomerang app — Imagine writing a message loaded with terms of endearment, sending it and then realising that you’ve got the recipient wrong. The Boomerang app, once activated, will find the message and fling it right back into your inbox.

John Doe app — Someone irritating you? Someone updating their status 200 times a day, flooding your page with their wreckage? Blocking their posts is mild. You could do better with the John Doe app which allows you to post nasty comments without revealing your identity.

If you’re not sure about any of these apps, just share them on Facebook and see the results. After all, that’s what friends are for.

(sureshl.india@gmail.com)

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