A bully can manifest in many different avatars. Some can appear like (anti) super-heroes, flexing their muscles to intimidate their victims. Others engage in verbal abuse, belittling another's speech, mannerisms or lifestyle choices. Their presence can cast dark shadows, haunting their victims, sometimes traumatising them for years after they leave the classroom. Today, a bully can cloak himself or herself in an armour of cyberspace invisibility, giving him or her power to abuse. The social media can operate as a window, allowing bullies to continue to exist and strengthen their identity. In the small world of the classroom, we see a representation of many of these forms of bullying.
Anti-bullying programmesWorldwide, schools have started to take the issue of bullying very seriously. Many schools have a zero-tolerance policy against bullying and communicate this effectively to their staff and students. Students are made aware of this issue and awareness programmes have attempted to empower the victims. Practical steps such as immediately alerting a teacher/adult about being bullied, have helped some students feel less afraid. Schools are legally bound to have counsellors, and they can often be an effective interface through which students can find safe ways to vent their fears. These are excellent preventive measures and are effective as a first line of “treatment.” However, to delve into the issue a little deeper is to see beyond the first line of control. Who are the bullies, and why do they behave the way they do? An effective programme needs to look at the patterns of behaviour among bullies and look at the way the systems we live in help create the very “bully” that we then try to fight against.
What makes a bullyThis is not a psychological profiling of a bully but an observation of patterns that one has encountered during teaching stints in classrooms across a spectrum of schools. A bully is someone who seemingly uses his power to make another feel inferior.
When Akash (name changed) came to us, he had already been expelled from three schools for exhibiting violent behaviour towards many in his peer group. While working with Akash, we were first confronted by a body language that typified defiance. After many sessions, his defences naturally came down, and to our surprise we found that his reading skills were four grades below his current reading level. He had been masking his insecurity by using his various other intelligences to cope with schoolwork and other challenges. He shared how he was very afraid and that often his muscle power was directed at those who he perceived were better than him in the very areas that he feel threatened. Through a comprehensive programme that worked on his reading skills and tapping his talent as a sportsman, Akash blossomed into a student who was able to confront his deepest fears. The “violent bully” in his earlier reports revealed a boy trapped in his own fears. A bully may often be be a mirror reflection of a victim, just as afraid and lonely.
When Sreya’s (name changed) parents were called in to address their daughter’s verbal abuse towards her peers, we were literally in for a rude surprise! The parents abused a school security guard and a helper, echoing exactly what we had seen in the classroom. When the parents did not get their way, their methods of dealing with a situation, mirrored what Sreya exhibited. As a teacher, it was a valuable experience watching how our principal gently but firmly brought the issue to the notice of the parents, defining clearly acceptable behaviour in her school. The family consented to go for counselling and Sreya continues to work through her challenges with the support of her classmates and teachers.
Modifying the environmentHuman behaviour is complex, and there are no standardised solutions. However, many schools have started working on creating an environment which fosters values such as compassion and kindness. These values are not delivered in lectures but integrated within the running of the school. From simple actions like treating all the staff in the school with respect, to encouraging students to take part in tasks to help maintain the school, these “soft solutions” have often radiated change in subtle and overt ways. Circle time was a wonderful programme that was initiated in one of the schools where I worked. Students were given ten minutes a day to sit around and discuss issues as a group, and we found they often came up with creative solutions.
Theatre is another wonderful medium through which the entire class can get involved in working to unveil their hidden talents. The idea is to use any avenue to help students feel positive by helping them achieve their potential. It is not utopia, and, till date, there has never been a system that completely eliminates bullying. However, one can definitely see the difference that modifying environments can make, in lowering the chance of creating a bully.
Inside usEckhart Tolle, has written a wonderful children's book called Milton's Secret. The story talks about empowering oneself, by being completely present and mindful. In many ways, it is a revolutionary way of looking at bullying — where we realise that a bully is but a window to confront and face our own fears, letting that fear dissolve into the power of presence. In small ways, if we really observe, we are constantly engaging in some form of bullying or another. We strive to change people or get people to like us, to lessen our discomfort! We staunchly hold onto our opinions, not giving someone space to disagree! A friend observed, how we are weather bullies, always wanting it to just be a little hotter or colder, never accepting it for what it is at present!.
Bullying the bully is just another form of violence. Gandhi lived the mantra that changing the world means changing oneself. It might seem a cliche, but putting this into practice may just be the way forward to tackle the bully outside, and, more importantly, the bully within all of us!
Enjoy your journey!
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