He shows no fear. He knows no danger. He knows no acting, that's why.
Mimoh, who has changed his name to Mahaakshay, is funny to watch in a film that tries hard to horrify only to have us laugh at his deadpan expressions. The only real indication of his range of histrionics is limited to the inconsistent decibel level of his voice. When he speaks softly, we can gauge he's being romantic. When he screams loudly, we can only assume that he's either angry, scared or frustrated. Sometimes, his dialogue delivery offers a clue.
Minutes into the film, after hearing eerie noises in the old bungalow he's about to sell, he walks out into the night and wonders aloud: “Kaun Hai?” On getting no response, he repeats in English: “Who's there?” Which could mean he's realised that the ghost probably does not speak Hindi.
So when Mahaakshay keeps his difficult-to-read straight face and asks the previous owner of the bungalow if it's haunted, you totally understand the sentiment behind the counter-question: “Hey, do you do drugs?”
A few scenes later, when he learns that there is indeed an evil rapist ghost that's been raping another ghost there every single night (sharp at 3 a.m.) for the “last eighty years” (though technically only 75 years have passed since the death of the rapist and the victim but hey, this is a horror film, ghosts aren't good with math), he's moved to tears (one of the few scenes where his emotion is evident). And he decides to intimidate the rapist ghost.
“You cannot scare me,” he screams thrice and goes on to repeat the ghost's name though forbidden by a psychic because “taking the name of the evil spirit strengthens it.” “Iyer, Iyer, Iyer,” he shouts as the audience cracks up.
The ghost, in turns, responds like the Electricity Board during summer. With a power cut. And the bulbs go off one by one. You thought bad acting doesn't scare ghosts.
The girl, newbie Tia Bajpai, has little to do except look radiant and run away from the invisible force trying to unbutton her gown every few scenes. The sound effects try hard to scare and 3D boosts a couple of jump scenes, thanks to Arif Zakaria's presence and cakey make-up.
In addition to all the unintended humour, there's a sweet isolated moment of intended comic relief thrown in as a time-traveller shows off his cellphone. The rest of the film chugs along predictable lines, adapting a flexible policy on time travel and course-correction.
“He can do anything,” a priest talks about a Baba who can offer a miracle solution to ghost-rape, probably referring to the supreme power of the filmmaker to do whatever the hell he wants since the horror genre requires your disbelief to be suspended. Sure thing. But can you make Mahaakshay act?
The real horror is that Haunted will stake its claim for a place in history as Hindi cinema's first 3D film. All we can do is take a pointer from the film itself. “Never take the name of an evil spirit.” Better still, forget the film released.
Haunted 3D
Genre: Horror
Director: Vikram Bhatt
Cast: Mahaakshay, Tia Bajpai, Arif Zakaria
Storyline: The real estate broker of a haunted bungalow wants to help the ghost that's getting raped every night by another ghost.
Bottomline: Try a graveyard instead.
