How do you escape the wrath of the movie gods? What have we done to anger them that they play Humshakals on one screen and Transformers: Age of Extinction on the other? Age of Extinction is a noisy, relentless, joyless assault on our senses masquerading as entertainment. The man at the helm, Michael Bay directed the earlier three Transformer movies, and also some loud but fun movies with Jerry Bruckheimer including The Rock and Armageddon.

Here he has maxed out on the explosions, the chases, the crashes and the cleavage—isn’t Wahlberg a little young to have a 17-year-old daughter? The plot—it is four years since Chicago. You don’t know what happened there? Never mind. Anyway now the Autobots are being hunted and destroyed. There is a designer (Stanley Tucci doing a kind of Steve Jobs impersonation) who is creating his own robots from the brain of evil robot chief Megatron.

There is some sort of blackest of black op going on. There is broke inventor Yaegar whose daughter Tessa is dating a racer and—it is tiresome even to recount the plot.

There is a torturous never ending climax in Hong Kong involving dinobots—they become huge mechanised dinosaurs. After watching 165 minutes of machines bashing each other up and hysterically clunky dialogue—“My face is a warrant”, the only question left is — which is worse, three Saif Ali Khans or intergalactic warring robots? Maybe a root canal would be better than either.

TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION

Genre: Action

Director: Michael Bay

Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Stanley Tucci, Nicola Peltz, Jack Reynor

Story: The alien bots are at it again

Bottomline: Too long, too noisy