What are you running from?

The reasons for running are many. Here are a few

There are various reasons why people run. Sometimes they run from their demons. Sometimes they run towards the future. Sometimes they run because they’ve joined a company where everyone else is running. A friend of mine joined Nike, once. He lost 15 kilos in six months. His performance reviews were excellent, but he was always snappish and irritable.

Most commonly, they run from the police. This is sensible, because no good can come from being caught by them. They are empowered by the Indian Penal Code of 1860, one of the world’s most durable pieces of legislation. It was designed by the British soon after the uprising of 1857, to ensure that if we tried to raise even a pinky in protest, that pinky would be crushed with maximum force. Its primary purpose was to suppress the natives. I’m not sure whether it allows them to blow you from the mouth of a cannon, but it might be tucked in there somewhere. They tried to cover every possible type of misbehaviour, and even thought up some new ones, such as sedition, which makes loving the government compulsory.

After two years of hard labour, the members of the drafting committee powdered their wigs and went to Queen Victoria and said “Marm, kindly sign this, it’s a little something for your subjects in India,” and she said, “We shall be happy to do so, now kindly pour us some tea,” and ever since, in India, the police have been following her instructions. So if the police are chasing you, and you’re a native, it’s a good idea to run. Many of them do not look like they can run too far, but don’t forget they have jeeps. In Delhi, they also have water cannons, but water supply in Delhi is intermittent, so it’s 50-50.

Due to my deep knowledge of history, and a combination of extreme cowardice and a guilty conscience, I have always been mortally afraid of the police. I was once roaming around Dilli Haat, a local market with an endless supply of shawls, when I saw a sign which said, ‘If you are being followed by a suspicious person, please report it to the police.’ “But what if the police are following me?” I asked a nearby shawl salesman. He pursed his lips and shook his head.

Of course, the police are not the only reason why people run. That would be ridiculous. There are many other reasons as well. One of my friends is a very successful former corporate person who now runs his own business. He’s old as the hills and fit as a fiddle. He can run like a deer. If you’re dying of thirst and you need someone to quickly fetch you a beer, he’s your man. I asked him once about the secret of his speed. “That’s easy,” he said, “I imagine I’m being chased by income-tax officers.”

In Shovon Chowdhury’s most recent novel, Murder With Bengali Characteristics, the Chinese rule Bengal, but the Indian Penal Code is still in force