Let me start with the conversation a Yaksha had with Yudhishthira. The greatest wonder of the world, the eldest of the Pandavas said, is man’s belief that he will go on living, despite knowing that death is the only truth on earth.
I am sure Yudhishtira had not met a cancer patient or survivor in his life.
Almost a year ago, diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer, I just went numb. My family went into shock, as if a powerful bomb had been thrown inside our home. But each of us learned to rise with strength.
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I learned to cherish life once the treatment was over. I learned to let go of the horrible experience of cancer treatment. Learned that life will go on even without me. My house would run, if not smoothly, at least with a lurch.
Sudden changes
My partner suddenly was struggling to become a hands-on husband. With a wrench in my heart, I watched him wade through the daily chores and trying to keep me in good spirits. The children were a revelation. Living in two countries thousands of miles away, they rushed to my side during treatment and now I know what it means to be pillars of strength because that is what they were and are. My son took charge of the fear-stricken house and made it strong. He became my mother, cooking me healthy meals and coaxing me to eat (with chemotherapy, I would throw up).
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My daughter, even with a toddler son, rushed to my side during surgery and kept my mood up with her funny anecdotes. Behind all this I knew they were going through a tough time but they would never show it. Now it is more than a year, and I am struggling to stay fit and come out of it. Not a day goes without my children talking to me and making me do something to regain my health. My two-year-old grandson is my greatest healer. Every day, I see him having breakfast before going to the day-care centre while my daughter gets ready for office. I started living for these moments. He listens to my stories and his little pranks and baby talk are the things I look forward to every day.
As a family, we have become more health- and fitness-conscious and have emerged stronger and closer.
Now while sipping green tea, I feel happy to see the little sparrows pecking at the rice that I scatter on my wall. I feel immensely happy. Maybe, I learned to cherish these moments only after my cancer.
Yes Yudhishthira, I know there is a sword dangling above my head, but I chose to feel happy seeing these sparrows today.
Every day is precious to me. I have learned the beauty of moments and the world around me. After all cancer is not that bad, isn’t it?
vijinarayan57@gmail.com