Of bloodhounds and other beasts

Human beings probably feel the need for a sidekick. A loyal friend who caters to all his/her whims. Canis lupus familiaris aka domestic dog could be as loyal as it gets, and so many people are unanimous in their ooh-ing and aah-ing over the slobbering hounds.

Many of us have the (dis)pleasure of seeing Cerebus, the hound of Hades, everytime we run into ‘man’s best friend’. I believe I speak for all of us when I say that cynophobia (fear of dogs; yes that is exactly as it sounds) is for real, people.

It’s not your Yorkshire Terrier, it’s that terror that has us up all night. You can swathe your poodle in pinks and yellows if you wish, but nothing can deter us from fearing its fast canine legs and sharp canine teeth.

A feeling of foreboding shrouds our entire existence when we knock at the door of a dog-owner. Scampering noises, your heartbeat goes erratic. A solitary bark, acknowledging your presence and a herald of what is to follow. As the pitch, frequency and volume of the barking rises, the amount of moisture in our mouths exponentially decreases. Don’t even get me started on spending some time with those creatures, sans the wooden barriers!

My opinion on dogs makes me an outcast. Dog-lovers, I’ve found, can often be more zealous than religious fanatics! As Chandler Bing put it in ‘Friends’ all those years ago: “They are needy, they are jumpy and you can’t tell what they are thinking and that scares me a little bit.” I imagine the reader’s reaction somewhat mirrors that of the rest of the gang by now.

My hatred of dogs is based on experience: they lick everything, everything , in sight. They drool. They need special food, special doctors… and they hate me. My own Labrador bit me thrice. Not once, not twice but three times. And for no mistake of mine, I’m sure.

It’s almost as if hating dogs is the new social taboo. Meeting another dog-hater in social places is like running into another undercover cop during covert operations!

We try to be courageous in the face of this canine onslaught, but the truth, however unpalatable, is that we hate dogs! There, I said it. It is pretty much what my men Baha asked, “Who let the dogs out?!”

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