As I was an average student, my parents were never shocked whenever I brought home my progress report card with “fail” written in bold red ink. Failing in subjects, especially mathematics, was routine for me.
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Somehow, I managed to get to the fifth grade. A few days after our midterms, the mathematics teacher came to the class with the bundle of answer sheets. It caused immediate panic in the classroom, but I was relaxed. Zero expectations made my life much easier back then. As usual, I failed the test, but to my surprise, I was not the only one this time.
As always, I showed my father the test results as he was about to hit the bed. He checked my marks and without any comments, took his pen to sign it. Thinking that he might be happy to know that his daughter was not the only one who failed the test, I told him, “Dad, this time I am not the only one, many of my classmates also failed the test.”
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I was expecting a smile from him, but instead, he looked at me and asked, “Dear, have I ever asked you the marks of your fellow mates?”
I answered, “No, you have not.”
He continued, “Do you think that I would want to know the scores of your classmates?”
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I was puzzled by his question as in our school, our teachers had the habit of reading out loud the names and marks of every student in the class while distributing the answer sheets.
As a child, I believed that the whole purpose of this was to let us compare the marks with each other. So, why was my father questioning my beliefs and making me confused? I was lost.
After a pause, he sat me down next to him and said, “Do you think knowing that others scored less than you will make you any better at the subject?”
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“No, I don’t think so,” I replied with some doubt.
“So never compare yourself with others. You are all individuals who are unique and so are the interests and potential of each of you. Comparing your scores with anyone else will never make you better or worse than them.” With that, he signed the paper and bade me goodnight.
That whole night, I pondered over his words. The next morning while my mother was busy preparing our breakfast, I told her about the previous night. She handed me a glass of warm masala tea and, without taking her eyes off the stove, told me, “Darling, he was trying to say that you would never be happy if you start comparing yourself with others.” “But you know what, there is one person with whom you should compare yourself, and that is you.”
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Finally, when I understood their wise words, it was a life-changing moment for me. Thenceforth I stopped comparing my life with others, let alone the scores. Instead, I started working to my potential. I realised that everyone is different and has different talents. I slowly started to work on my studies and self-doubts and tried to thrive on my interests.
As I grew older, most of my friends took up jobs they liked, and I decided to go for research. While my friends were climbing the ladders of promotion, I was climbing the stairs of my research building. While they were dancing on the eve of their wedding, I was dancing in the laboratory with fumes coming out of my head as the results I got for that day’s experiment contradicted my expectations. While they were going to Singapore for their honeymoon, I was going to meet my supervisor with trembling hands holding the negative results I got in the lab. But at the end of the day, I was fully content and thoroughly enjoyed my work and life. I slept tight. At the other end of the world, my loved ones were living their lives as they wished, and I was thrilled for them.
The world will be in much chaos if we all wanted the same in our lives. Realising that we are different and want different things will help us stop comparing ourselves with others.
In a world ruled by social media, the word “comparison” has a bigger impact on us than we may imagine. If used appropriately, the Internet and social media can be a game-changer. They help us connect with the world beyond our imagination and embrace and enhance our creativity. Sadly, many let social media influence their life beyond a limit and end up comparing their lives with total strangers on the screen. Studies show that this unhealthy comparison results in low self-esteem, insecurities, and self-doubts. So, is this comparison needed in our lives? We all grow up and live in different circumstances. Comparing might destroy the real you and your true potential and happiness. We should start accepting ourselves as we are and work on our talents and potential. We will then thrive and become a better version of ourselves.
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