Why Zumba when there’s Rambha?

Copyright-free ideas rooted in Vedic times to get you that next bestseller

Rejoice, young literary mitron . It is a golden time for aspiring writers who dream of contributing to India’s intellectual discourse. Suddenly, wonderful opportunities are raining from the sky like renegade petals from a pushpaka vimanam doing loops.

Are you yearning to project our culture and literature globally? Then look no further, all you Saraswati seekers. Young scribes, use these copyright-free ideas as starting points and write many, many books that bring back our lost glory.

Apsarobics for Heavenly Bodies

Everyone wants to be fit. Unfortunately, the lucrative fitness market has been cornered by the diabolical West. It is time to wrest it back with an unbeatable book on fitness that goes back to Vedic times. Why should one cross-train or do Pilates in unflattering tights when one can lose weight dancing like Rambha and her sister Apsaras in sequinned bustiers to a Raj-Koti tune? Imagine how strenuous it must have been for these ageless women to distract stubborn sages deep in penance. Share the six-pack secrets of our divine damsels in an unbeatable fitness book reeking of our culture.

Sweet Dreams with Kumbhakarna

They say health is wealth. And we know sleep is health. Today, almost everyone is sleep-deprived. And again the West has misled us into believing that sound sleep can be achieved only through evil allopathic medication. Let the world know about the very first sleeper cell in history, Kumbhakarna. Unveil the secrets of how this original

Samrat of Somnology could sleep through palace remodelling work, bickering concubines, forest fires, and war with not a care in the world. Teach the world to snore without pills like our Vedic ancestors did.

Maricha & Subahu’s Essential Guide to Disruption

What do all the biggest businesses today — like, say, Netflix, Uber, Airbnb — have in common? They are all disruptors. The West, that villain again, has been pretending for far too long that the concept of disruption is somehow something they invented. We are the original disruptors. And the true brand ambassadors are Messrs Maricha and Subahu. A book on them is long overdue. Let the world learn from them. While the West has upstarts, we will have a fresh wave of start-ups.

Organic Farming the Shakuntala Way

Today, every morsel of food we put into our mouths is contaminated with toxic pesticides and foul antibiotics that have been introduced into them only because of faulty western thinking.

What better way to detox than to follow Shakuntala’s Vedic Agri Tech. After all, any of our ancient books will tell you that during her apprenticeship at Sage Kanva’s ashram , she was in charge of the veggie patch. Young writers, let us show the West that nothing beats wholly organic deer dung and peacock urine when it comes to growing wholesome vegetables, not to mention mood-enhancing mushrooms.

Bakasura’s Barbecue Recipes

Other than Padma Lakshmi, who has been showing the West the power of curd rice (in her lovely food videos, attired in fetching gear), our culinary versatility has been sadly underrepresented.

Bakasura, if you ask me, has got a bad rap. He wasn’t a gluttonous man-eater as purported. In today’s world, he’d be called a foodie. He’s like the guy who pushes you out of the way at the buffet queue to get his sixth helping of Nargisi kofta . Time we did a recipe book in his honour. If he was eating humans for all three meals, I’m sure he must have used some pretty interesting condiments, and techniques to spice things up.

Krishna Shastri Devulapalli is a satirist. He has written four books and edited an anthology.