No letter available today, says Mr. Mathrubootham

‘I don’t know what flavour Saddam Hussein is having, please stop irritating me’

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Respected Madam/Sir,

Can I write letter today? No chance. Just because I am retired means sit at home all day doing nonsense typing and typing? Never. This is the problem with India media industry itself. Making presumptions about anything and anybody in any place. Once I was standing outside Anna Tower eating ice cream. Ice cream was inside plastic ball. Suddenly one TV person with cameraman came and said, “Excuse me, sir, what are your thoughts?”

I said, “What thoughts. I think it is strawberry maybe tutti-fruti.” She said, “No no sir we are talking about Saddam Hussein.” I said, “I don’t know what flavour Saddam Hussein is having, please stop irritating me.” She said, “Oh my god uncle, Saddam Hussein has been arrested by United States of America, what are your thoughts?” I said, “Oh ok very good. Criminal means must be arrested.” She said, “Uncle, this is the most boring thoughts in Chennai.”

Why you people are non-stop irritating common people like this? We have other things to do also. Which is why today sorry but cannot send any letter whatsoever. Busy means too much busy.

Gas cylinder is almost finished. Urgently have to purchase new cylinder. Fridge cooling problem is there, electrician is coming to check gas. Then in the balcony water is leaking from AC like Jog Falls. In the beginning I thought oho very good, I will put bougainvillea underneath and then no need to water. But now madam/sir, bougainvillea has already transferred to paralokam and balcony is swimming pool.

Then after getting cylinder and plumber and electrician and all I have to go and pay telephone bill. Tomorrow is last day. I told my son, “Hello

kanna will you please give helping hand to poor father and pay the bill?” He said, “

Appa , what nonsense you are talking I have urgent video conference call with client in United States, if I tell him that I have to take one hour break to pay bill with paper money in office as if 1985, what he will something something something,” he began saying. I immediately closed the door and came out. Will United States of America arrest him?

Then after all this whether I can sit and write letter to yourself? Chanceless.

Madam/sir at 7 p.m. Mrs. Mathrubootham has invited all the members of ladies association for special dinner party. I said, “Kamalam, you are bearing dinner party expense every year. Whether there is any need? Any of these ladies are ever inviting us to their house?” She said, “Nalini invited us to her house once you have forgotten?” I said, “How can I forget that recent occasion Kamalam, it was same day that Indira Gandhi got assassinated.”

Madam/sir you are doing any dinner parties? How much work is there for feeding 12 people? So before lunch I have to do electrician and plumber and all. Then telephone bill. And then after that, full and full preparation for dinner party. Main dish is booran boli. I have to buy 1,000 coconuts, break open 1,000 coconuts, then remove coconut from inside 1,000 coconuts and then put coconut inside 500 booran bolis. And then put 500 bolis inside 12 mouths.

So you want letter from me today? What nonsense you are talking madam/sir.

No letter available today. Please come back next week.

Yours in exhaustion,

J. Mathrubootham