Respected Sir/Madam,
Once upon a time, before all the TV channels were full of Masterchef Gummidipoondi and all, you could go to people’s houses for dinner party without tension. We would arrive at friend’s house on the dot. Then for 40 minutes we will talk about this and that topics. How are children doing in school? How are things in the office? Are you using Leave Travel Allowance this year? You should go to Lakshadweep, it is just like Kerala but without Malayalis. Like that, like that things.
In between we will have Rasna in free complimentary glasses from some Federal Bank or Tamil Nadu Mercantile Bank or BHEL. Then sharp 7:30 p.m. we will have dinner of rice, one gravy curry and one dry curry and some pickles. Then if we are lucky, pudding. And then back on the scooter. By 9:00 p.m. we will be fully asleep.
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Nowadays if you go to dinner party? Unbearable torture.
Two days back, while I was watching excellent DVD of World War film The Longest Day , suddenly the phone started to ring. Mrs. Mathrubootham picked up. Then she came running into the living room. I said, “What is this excitement? Has second-class actor Madhavan put one more without-shirt photo on the internet? Have some shame, woman, he is young enough to be your son.”
“Shut up, Mr. Mathrubootham, it is an emergency,” she said. “Dr. Shankaramenon’s daughter has come from Bombay on leave, and she is inviting us for dinner this evening.”
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Oh my god. Make up some lie and avoid it no, Kamalam? Haha. What a comedy.
Sir/ Madam, this is impossible. My wife is incapable of saying lies. Many years ago, due to installation of new water tank on top, I decided to put one sick leave in the office. I told her you call and tell my office. So manager asked, “What is Mathrubootham suffering?” She said, fever.
What fever?
Sir/ Madam, what normal people will say? Viral fever or influenza or something. Instead Mrs. Mathrubootham got world record tension and said, “He has fever in his lungs and liver and heart and appendix, whole body fever, it is very serious, doctor is saying anything can happen, we are in ICU, family has been informed. But he will come to office tomorrow because water tank work will finish this evening itself.” Compared to my wife Raja Harishchandra is Dawood Ibrahim.
Sir/ Madam, I said, Kamalam don’t take risk, say ok we will come. Dr. Shankaramenon told us to arrive for dinner at sharp 9 p.m. First, his daughter Anamika brought one big plate with three kilos of raw vegetables cut into small pieces with some sauce. I asked Mrs. Mathrubootham whether this is modern style party where guest is supposed to bring stove, LPG cylinder and sambar powder? She silently told me to be pin-drop silent by inserting her mobile phone into my rib cage.
Waiting for adai avial
After this, we had starters. Anamika said adai avial is coming. I thanked all gods of every religion. She brought one small plate covered with toothpicks. Each toothpick had one small adai , the size of two rupee coin, with one teaspoon of avial on it. With great difficulty I ate in silence.
Are you ready for main course, Anamika asked. I said, of course, I am very excited. While walking to the dining room, I secretly touched a Vinayaka poster on the wall for mental strength. Inside we were served Japan style rice and vegetable curry followed by United Kingdom style pudding.
Sir/ Madam, what is all this complicated food items? All bad influence from TV. What is the problem with traditional items such as vathakuzhambu or papaya pachhadi ? Of course, I did not want Anamika or Dr. Shankaramenon to feel bad, but we are not animals. So out of politeness I took Japan rice three or four times.
We have also brought home enough food for the next one week. If you put 10 or 15 toothpicks together it looks like one normal adai with avial.
Yours in exasperation,
J. Mathrubootham