Beating around bush

Can you believe it or not? Did you know that we are having 23 different types of sambar powder in this house from 1955 to 2013?

Respected Madam/ Sir,

First of all whether everybody is ok in the office or no? Please convey all the sentiments from Mathrubootham family to all colleagues and family members.

Madam/ Sir, what and all is happening in the world these days? Total confusion. Total panic.

But you will say Mr. Mathrubootham why you are worried about world and all? You just sit and worry about India no? Whether any panic and confusion is there?

Madam/ Sir, what you are talking like fools. Prime Minister is even opening mouth means peace of mind is gone. First time he made one speech and people are beating pressure cooker and frying pan. Next time he made one more speech and police are beating people with frying pan. Next one more speech means what is beating what? People will beat police? Frying pan will beat people? Idli thattu will beat dosa kallu ? Why when PM making speech immediately something is beating something? Any explanation?

Meanwhile, it is non-stop tension in house. Mrs. M is talking as if we will never leave house for next 35 years. Yesterday I said Kamalam, let’s have vegetable biryani for lunch? She looked at me in slow motion like Ramya Krishnan looking at Rajini in

Padayappa . She said, if we will eat all vegetables today means what to eat tomorrow? Tomorrow don’t come crying, ok? I will tell you to go and stand in balcony and do photosynthesis.

So I said, ok Kamalam, what we shall make then? She said please go into storeroom and look for all worst and horrible and expiry items. We will eat all that first. I looked at Kamalam in slow motion like Rajini looking at bull previously in Padayappa .

Madam/ Sir, like that-like that, I spent two hours in store room making one mountain of useless food items. One packet of kollu from Jambuvan era. Two-three packet masala powder with expiry date from 1985. One pickle bottle that is falling behind gas cylinder. It is Caico Tender Mango pickle that is doing expiry before Indira Gandhi is doing expiry. I filled one plastic bucket full and carried into the kitchen.

I said Kamalam, two hours I have collected every single useless item from the store. Can you believe it or not? Did you know that we are having 23 different types of sambar powder in this house from 1955 to 2013? But what is Kamalam doing? Kamalam is sitting on iPad and reading and reading like anything. I said Kamalam, what is it? Some new novel?

She said old man one website is there. It is giving nonstop breaking news of coronavirus from all over the word. Oh my god, seven new cases in Bosnia! Oh no! Total lockdown in Slovenia! Old man, come! You also sit and read with me.

I said Kamalam, this is virus or cricket match? You please sit and do time-wasting. I am going to take all these expired items and make amazing foodstuffs.

For two-three hours I am cooking and cooking like anything. One recipe for kollu rasam is there in YouTube. So I made it carefully with all expired stuff. I said Kamalam, please you enjoy this wonderful dish. This is called cooking during time of coronavirus. Whether you are impressed or no?

We both had two-three spoons of kollu rasam. Then Kamalam got up and went into kitchen.

What happened after that? Madam/ Sir, moral of the story is simple. Without Prime Minister speaking also, people like Kamalam are beating other people. Such as myself.

Yours in self-isolation,

J. Mathrubootham