What makes me lie?

Recently, a friend was telling us about his house help who may have broken an expensive vase, yet completely denied it when confronted.

The rhetoric question my friend asked was ‘What is it that makes one lie?’

For much of my growing-up years, I tended to lie particularly when I was frightened, thought I might be punished, and sometimes just to self-preserve. I also noticed I would lie when threatened or when spoken to harshly.

As an employer, I learnt that it was important for me to help the person, who I assumed was lying, to recognise that I am also fallible, and thus as capable as the individual of making what may be construed a mistake. Therefore, revealing the truth spares both the person and I embarrassment, particularly if the lie is discovered later.

On some occasions, I have seen myself lie to create what I desired was a pleasurable and positive impression.

While in the moment I was let off the hook, later when I thought through the situation when I had lied, I felt uncomfortable and rationalised my discomfort through blame, criticism of another and judgement.

However, I realise, when I choose to speak the truth, and on the occasions I have, I feel respected and less burdened. All the debilitating thoughts that might follow my lying seem to melt and diminish and I feel unbound.

I have, in recent years, learnt that whatever form of lie I say, it only leaves behind a residue of regret, and most often, when discovered, causes trust deficit in others towards me.

The writer is an organisational and behavioural consultant. He can be contacted at ttsrinath@gmail.com