The gods must be crazy

Who decides that we get to hug a puppy, talk to our families or use common sense on one particular day of the year?

Did you nearly drop a hammer on your toe or nearly propose to the wrong girl, the day before yesterday? Blame it on Near-Miss Day.

What did I miss?

The day we nearly followed the dinos into extinction. On March 23, 1989, an asteroid missed smashing into Earth by a hair’s breadth (4,50,000 miles in universe terms). It would have equalled the energy of 1,000 atom bombs. Of course, we didn’t panic because we didn’t have WhatsApp then to circulate the news. And only nine days later did some star-gazer howl from the rooftops about what we’d nearly missed.

Got it. So March 23 is Near-Miss Day, to celebrate still being alive.

It’s also the hug-a-puppy day and the OK day. Just to, you know, let the word ‘OK’ know we’re OK with it being so permanently OK.

That’s daft. Who decides these days anyway?

My unofficial research shows it’s up for grabs. On an official note, different associations and governments name days in honour of their milestones or heroes. The Indian Government, for instance, has declared June 21 as Yoga Day, and April 14, Ambedkar Jayanti.

Hey, April 14 is taken. It’s the Bengali New Year and a number of other states’ new years too.

Use some common sense (especially on November 4, World Common Sense Day, ahem!). There are only 366 days to go around, remember. So we’ve got to learn to share. Not everyone feels chirpy on April 14. Some Koreans feel downright wretched. It’s their Black Day. In sheer protest against all the soppiness of Valentine’s Day, on April 14, singles get together to raise a toast to their lack of love-struck luck, over black soup.

So anyone can start a new day? God, what godly power.

And what unholy confusion. The following day, April 15, is the Families’ Day of Dialogue and the LGBT community’s Day of Silence. Do you speak or shush? There’s more... December 6 is Put on Your Own Shoes Day. Every other day, perhaps your boss could be so kind as to tie your laces. And if you really want to name a day, do it on February 22. That’s the Thinking Day (as opposed to the rest of the year, when you don’t).

What’s coming up tomorrow?

Tomorrow, March 26, is Make up your own Holiday Day. There you go. Play God.

Where Jane De Suza, the author of Happily Never After , talks about the week’s quirks, quacks and hacks