Back here, we may think Vijay Mallya is bent as a nine-bob note but, according to a news report, in the idyllic, affluent town of Tewin, UK, he’s considered a real corker. Apparently, so loved is he by its tiny community that they don’t want him extradited. In fact, some of them are going so far as to call him a hero.
They make a good case, by the way.
For starters, Mallya has bought the village green a Christmas tree worth ₹13 lakh.
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From the ₹9,000 crore he has borrowed from various Indian banks, Mallya has thoughtfully set aside 13 whole lakhs for a Christmas tree in a British town favoured by millionaires. That makes him not just the King of Good Times, but pretty much the King of Kings as far as this township is concerned.
Don’t you think it’s time someone took cognizance of the grave injustice we have perpetrated on the British in ’47 by robbing from them at midnight what we had given them willingly a couple of hundred years earlier? That’s just not cricket. And, it has finally taken someone like Mallya to try and make amends.
He’s a saint, if you ask me, this Mallya.
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A local barman, the British equivalent of a supreme court judge, says in the same news report, “He is a great asset to this village. We are happy to have people like him. It’s impressive he is involved in Formula One. Lewis Hamilton used to serve beer in this bar.”
Please note:
1. He’s an asset. A real one. Not a non-performing one like we are making him out to be.
2. He is involved in Formula One!
Now if that doesn’t make up for not paying the salaries of your staff for several years, I don’t know what does.
Imagine if this was the Mallya from a couple of years ago. While Hamilton served beer, he would have had Deepika, Katrina and Shilpa take orders for fish and chips. And overseen it all wearing his tiniest bikini briefs.
Let’s come back to the barman. Because, really, he’s all the evidence I need. Here’s what he says: ‘People know he is in some sort of bother. But most rich people are in a bother, aren’t they? God bless Mallya. I hope he comes into my pub. He can have a Bombay Sapphire on the house.’
Rich people are usually in a bother. It’s natural. Poor people should try and understand this. Especially poor Indian people like us who should compensate for the bother they put the rich Brits through 70-odd years ago.
Not just Tewin’s barmen, other pillars of British society, namely, patrons of bars, and sous-chefs, have come to the support of Mallya.
Apparently, Mallya, ever the socialist, invited the staff of a pub to his Diwali party. And they got to see the bowling alley, the cinema room, and the swimming pool at his place.
The Ambanis and Adanis should learn from this man. Can you imagine Ram Singh the watchman swimming in the Antilia pool? With Nita ben serving thandai ?
See how Mallya doesn’t distinguish between rich and poor. So what if he’s made India poorer, he’s taking care of the British poor. The poor are poor anywhere.
Plus, please note his inclusive nature. While he had a grand Diwali party for the locals, it hasn’t stopped him from buying a Christmas tree for the community. It’s only a matter of time before we hear of his Gur Purab and Mahavir Jayanthi celebrations, and how he had gardeners, plumbers and electricians over for a pool party, followed by a viewing of his home videos.
I say the Brits keep him. C’mon, what’s ₹9,000 crore between friends?
Krishna Shastri Devulapalli is a satirist, humour writer and co-editor of the anthology Madras on My Mind: A City in Stories.