An open letter to Salman bhaijaan from Blackbuck 1

Animal films can be huge hits. So how about Bajrangi Blackbuck?

Dear Salman bhai ,

I know you once said “ Dosti ka ek usool hain , no sorry, no thank you.” I hope you consider me your friend after all that we have shared together. But please allow me to say thank you.

In 1998, I was just a no-name blackbuck living in the scrublands of Rajasthan. Life is dreadfully boring in the scrub. Graze. Sleep. Search for water. Look for a mate. No air-conditioning.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful. The Bishnois think I am a reincarnation of their guru Bhagwan Jambeshwar, or, Jambaji. They are wonderful people but honestly, how many know about Jambaji? Everyone knows Salman Khan. You are the man with the golden gun.

Thanks to you, bhai, I am a celebrity today. They are talking about me on television and Twitter. You have given me an afterlife. Blackbucks live 10 years, 15 if they are lucky, but because of you I am going strong almost 20 years later.

Just today I saw so many stars come to your house to show their love. Sonakshi Sinha. Katrina Kaif. Varun Dhawan. Did they ask after me as well, since your life and mine are so intertwined these days? I always say

hum saath saath hain now. Preity Zinta even came to Jodhpur jail. All because of a blackbuck. Or two. Imagine that!

Not since that golden deer in the Ramayana has there been a deer as famous as me. Tell me, how many deer have had two post-mortems? I now follow Preity Zinta madam on Instagram. She wrote a beautiful message — “Hope is seeing light inspite of being surrounded by darkness”.

I know her inspiring thought is meant for you but hello, brother, does this not sound like the story of my life too? I too was surrounded by darkness that night. And then suddenly my life exploded like a 440 volt bolt of lightning on a Jumme ki raat . How thrilling it was. How my heart pounded. I just wish you had said “ Hum yahan ke Robin Hood hain … Robin Hood Pandey ,” before you dabangg-ed me.

Armchair activists

I know there are many jealous people out there who think you should be punished for all kinds of things — dead antelopes, people run over while sleeping on pavements, Marigold . But pay them no heed. I know those kinds of armchair animal lovers. How many of them even know the difference between a blackbuck and a chinkara? Now millions do, thanks to you. I would say you have done more for antelope awareness than the Wildlife Protection Act,1972, ever did.

Until now I didn’t even know you were such an animal lover. You told a television channel about how you found a trembling deer stuck in the bush and fed it a biscuit. It must be true because I know you said in Bajrangi Bhaijaan: “ Mar jayenge lekin jhooth nahin bolenge. ”

In fact, many deer near Jodhpur are saying it happened to them. One deer says you held out that biscuit, looked into its eyes, and said “ Hum aapke hain koun ?” Honestly, some deer will say anything for publicity when they are frozen in the limelight. But I know you love us, though a cynical blackbuck told me that with love like that, no wonder thappad se darr nahin lagta, sahab, pyaar se lagta hai .

Some blackbuck are saying that now that you have gotten bail, you will forget about us and how our paths crossed. They are saying instead of punishing you with jail and bail, they should have made you set up a blackbuck reserve, plant kejri trees, and keep real tigers zinda in real forests. That is silly. You must do what you do best — be a hero.

Here’s my idea. Animal films can be very big hits like Born Free and Haathi Mere Saathi . What about Bajrangi Blackbuck ? I know the poor pavement dweller feels bad that he has been overshadowed by deer. But let’s face it, nobody wants to see a film about pavement dwellers anymore. Not since Smita Patil died. But Bambi is evergreen. I can just see you, bare-chested, muscles rippling, carrying that helpless deer across the border. And feeding it biscuits. There will not be a dry eye in the theatre.

Speaking of tears, I know you cried in court. I feel bad, bhai. Mere baare mein itne mat sochna. Dil me aataa hoon, samajh mein nahin . And that’s where I will stay. But I still can’t believe it, of all the endangered blackbuck in the world, you chose me!

Gratefully,

Blackbuck 1

PS: The chinkara says hello. It feels a bit sidelined by the blackbuck. Perhaps in Bajrangi Blackbuck , you might consider a small chinkara item number, ‘Bambi ko Bass Pasand Hai’?