Rejection followed by triumph — not once but several times — this defines the life of author and LGBTQIA+ activist Nemat Sadat. Faced with racism and homophobia, and barred from returning to his home country, Afghanistan, Sadat has overcome all these obstacles to emerge as a major voice of the rainbow movement.
“Even the manuscript of my recently released book, The Carpet Weaver, was rejected by agents and publishers from across the U.S. and Europe,” says Sadat, smiling. It was declined over 400 times before Penguin Random House India took it up. The novel was published in early June this year.
Based in Washington DC now, Sadat spent less than a year in Afghanistan before being “kidnapped” by his mother to the U.S. “My father was a diplomat and while we lived briefly in Germany, my mother decided we needed to move. The politics of conflict of that time was the main reason,” he explains, referring to the rise of the Taliban in Afghanistan.
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Growing up in south California, he slowly got accustomed to the American way. “But it wasn’t that I had lost touch with our
Afghan roots. Our family didn’t want to cut away from tradition,” he says. His parents maintained a steady relationship with their extended family and with other Afghans in the neighbourhood, pretty much replicating the rituals and beliefs of their home country in America. This also meant that it was never easy for Sadat to be accepted as gay by his family.
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“I was 32 when I came out to my family — that is eight years ago,” he recalls. His family did not accept him. “My sister was more welcoming but she didn’t want me to talk against Islam.” His mother wanted him to keep things under wraps and secretly hoped he’d marry and lead a parallel life. Sadat, however, didn’t wish to hide his sexual identity, a reality he had come to terms with at the age of 23.
“This was when I was in New York City,” he says. He had moved there looking for financial independence, and a chance invite led him to a party hosted by someone from the fashion world. “I saw a number of gay men openly holding hands. I had never seen such affection between two men before,” he says. This is when he saw himself among them and them within him. “It wasn’t the easiest period in life though, as I was depressed and overweight.”
Yet, this was also a liberating moment.
Sadat went on to become a noted journalist and academic, acquiring degrees from institutions such as Oxford and Harvard. This gave him social recognition, and more importantly, confidence.
He says, “I had to prove myself not only as a gay man but also as an ex-Muslim, an Afghan and an immigrant.” The politics was such that his multiple identities “cut” in different ways. He was responding as a Muslim — even though he had broken away from religion — to 9/11 and terror at one end, and as a gay Muslim man at the other.
Unfazed by hostility
While he took these realities in his stride, his deep desire was to return to his country, a nation he only knew from his parents. So he grabbed the first opportunity, while working as an Assistant Professor of political science at the American University of Afghanistan. “It was a thrill to return and contribute,” he says. However, Sadat, who had learnt to stand for who he was and express himself freely, immediately felt the contrast: “I could see the repression first-hand be it in relation to women or to the LGBTQIA+ community,” he says.
Using social media, Sadat secretly started mobilising the community in Afghanistan. As the word got around, his position at the university became shaky. “I had gone for a course at Oxford as soon as the semester ended. Around this time, I posted some cross-dressed photos of myself.” This led to an avalanche of hostility. Sadat was dubbed a “national threat” to Afghanistan, and told not to return.
“I was very upset and this is when I came out on social media. It led to a lot of hate from Islamic groups,” he recalls. There were videos posted on how to kill him.
Sadat has the distinction of being the first Afghan to come out publicly. “But it was not until the Orlando massacre in 2016 that the American press spoke to me,” he says. America woke up to the problems of queer people in Afghanistan, a country it had occupied, only after this incident where 49 people were gunned down in a gay nightclub by an Afghan security guard.
“At times life was terrifying,” Sadat admits. But his novel, detailing the 40 years of his brave journey, should inspire many. Meanwhile, Sadat has moved on. “I am doing a course in creative writing, taking on a few projects and negotiating life on my terms,” he says, a touch of pride evident in his voice.
The writer, a communications consultant, is the author of Straight to Normal and Director, Rainbow Lit Fest.