“She was in her 70s when she started travelling solo,” recalls Divya Jay, a Kolathur-based researcher and writer, about her British friend Judie Gordon (name changed). “She had been a policewoman since 17. Only after retirement, once her children were independent, did she begin to travel the world, all by herself.”
Divya has a treasure trove of such stories, about friends — musicians, bikers, hitch-hikers — from around the globe whom she bonded with within the comfort of her own home. And she isn’t the only one: despite growing concerns and safety incidents related to couchsurfing, Chennai’s scores-strong community is active, thriving and swears by the experience. They talk of a worldwide community in which trust is implicit. They talk of being approached for help by fellow couchsurfers in foreign countries, encouraged only by a ‘couchsurfer’ sticker or badge worn by an absolute stranger.
Thanks to Chennai’s position as an entry and exit point for foreign travellers in the region, they open their doors to innumerable people every year — but only those who want to be friends. Because the primary purpose behind couchsurfing is not to find a couch to crash on. It is to forge friendships. And those who aren’t willing to do that — state Chennai’s couchsurfers categorically — are better off looking for other modes of accommodation.
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“We don’t like people who see this concept as a free hotel. You have to give first, before you receive,” states Basumitra Basu, a retired engineer settled in Besant Nagar, recalling a Frenchwoman from Vienna, in her 20s, whom he and his wife had hosted a few years ago. “She had been travelling solo from country to country for 15 months by that point. It was very important in terms of building her confidence: how she prepared herself, how she looked after herself, how she managed her money, how she matured through the process...” he says, explaining how their guest’s similarities to their own daughter drove home for the couple their responsibility in this rite of passage. When you provide someone with a roof, a support system and a friend circle at a junction like that, you end up making friends for life. And so Basu has friends in Hong Kong, France, Austria, waiting to receive them and show them around, to provide a non-touristy experience of their land. “A friend in Vienna who couldn’t meet us, left us her house keys, with a map and some guiding notes when we came to the city. And I have done the same for my friends who come to stay in Chennai.”
But it takes plenty of effort and time to build trust-based relationships like these, even with the global community of couchsurfers geared towards the same. For Tariq Mohamed, a software developer based in Keelkatalai, the key lies in clear communication. He recalls instances when his guests assumed it was okay to bring alcohol into his flat — “wine with meals is common in some cultures, but I’m not comfortable with it, and I simply informed them of it” — and another who put a phone case and other plastic articles into his washing machine without realising it, when doing laundry. These are the simpler problems: Divya describes different instances where guests or hosts have made women feel unsafe. “You can always leave, or ask your guest to leave. But no matter what you do, be honest about your experience when reviewing the person. Because other hosts will be relying on what you say,” she says.
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Reviews are something all three couchsurfers swear by: it’s the first point of information about a host or a guest, and all communication stems from it. “When the host knows how many days a guest plans to stay for, and what he/she wants from the trip, the whole experience becomes easier,” he says.
Tariq’s first experience with couchsurfing was as a guest, and he says it opened his worldview about the extent to which one stranger can be hospitable to another, for nothing in return.
“My first trip was to Malaysia. Because I hadn’t done couchsurfing before, I decided to book a regular hotel anyway.” His host picked him up and showed him the city, from not-so-popular local food joints to ostensibly touristy hotspots. “It took some time to understand why he was spending so much time on me, when he isn’t getting anything in return.”