I could do with a ‘vanity allowance’. It is an expensive hobby. I call it a hobby because it’s something I’m invested in and (at the risk of sounding immodest) excel in. I did try having other interests — tried squash but couldn’t connect racquet to ball, tried tennis but the sun didn’t do my skin any good, tried writing poems but nobody wanted to read them, joined salsa classes but the sweaty men put me off.
That’s when I met vanity. It introduced me to the world of bright lipsticks, online shopping, funky headgear, spa sessions… Vanity embraced me and we have been inseparable since, much to the chagrin of many around me.
I wonder why people tut-tut at its very mention. Why is it a vice? If approached right, it can be helpful, as actor Matthew McConaughey famously says in one of his interviews “I am vain. It has done more good things for me than it has not.” Otherwise, why would we spend huge sums of money on yoga classes and boot camps? That’s why the beauty industry has been, and continues to be, recession-proof. Let’s face it: most of us are concerned about the way we look. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have that mirror in your house.
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Nobody’s saying it’s a bad thing. When I was in college, I was often given a hard time for wearing lipstick and dressing up. Some believed you can’t be serious if you wear make-up. But that in no way meant I didn’t submit my assignments on time. No, eye shadow and kohl don’t keep you from libraries. It certainly beats turning up in shabby clothes, redolent with sweat. One could argue that they’d rather be comfortable than stylish. Sure, but unkempt hair and tacky pyjamas indicate a lack of enthusiasm and motivation. Being well-turned-out is my way of showing respect to people. It’s also why people wear their Sunday best to church. You go showered, prim and proper to a place of worship; so are you being vain?
According to designer Karl Lagerfeld, “Vanity is the healthiest thing in life.” It motivates you to get off your bed in the morning and go for a jog; at other times, it prevents you from reaching out for those extra chips, or ordering yet another pint of beer.
There is no reason why the urge to feel fabulous should be looked down upon. I have nine wigs… in as many different styles. My hair is perfectly alright, thank you. These are just great for giving me a new look. They are also the perfect decoy for bad hair days. (Of course, I don’t wear them to work; for that I have a vibrant Turkish turban.) And even though it’s a great idea and saves time at the salon, I am often asked ‘Why can’t you just let your hair look the way it is? You are really vain!’ Well, yes I am! So what? That doesn’t take away from the person I am.
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Like many who feel elated at their growing bank balance, I take pleasure in my wardrobe overflowing with clothes and closets bursting with shoes and bags. Thanks to all that shopping, I am clued in on fashion, and can now write about it at work.
It’s also helped acquaint my colleagues to new trends. They can now tell a fohawk from a mohawk, a ear cuff from a dangler, Ruby Woo from Russian Red, Blahniks from Louboutins… Agreed, these aren’t life-changing skills but it’s still knowledge. Some even admit that their dressing has become brighter and sharper, thanks to my infectious vanity. Best of all, no one looks shocked anymore when I walk into the office in knee-high gladiators with feathers hanging from my hair and ears. At least, I am entertaining.
Maybe vanity is the reason e-retailing is having a field day. There is so much to shop for… all those cuts, colours, patterns and designers, and oh, no more worrying about not having suitable clothes for an important event. I am on first-name terms with the delivery boys who come at least once, or twice, a week to drop off my online purchases. Somewhere, deep down, I believe it’s my many orders that are funding their kids through college.
So, Winston Churchill was right after all when he said ‘vanity is the vice that promotes so many virtues’. Vanity doesn’t need apologies. And for those not convinced, you are perhaps too vain to admit you are vain.