Stop!

Every time you feel like giving vent to negative feelings, stop, think and then act!

Your father unfairly chastises you for being late. Your teacher says you are not working hard enough when in fact you are. A classmate spreads a malicious rumour about you. In each of these instances, you feel justifiably angry, humiliated or frustrated. It is perfectly normal and alright to experience these negative feelings. However, in the interests of your own well-being and larger societal concerns, it is important that you learn to deal with your negative emotions in appropriate ways.

While your first reaction might be to bang the door on your father's face, talk back to your teacher or slap your friend, you must remember that initial reactions are often not the best ones. Remember that there is a difference between reacting and responding to anger. When you react, you act on your first impulse and may even regret your action.

Give it time

The first golden rule when you feel angry is to STOP, take a breath, count till five. Very often, an impulsive urge to act aggressively subsides within a few seconds.

However, if you still feel angry, give yourself more time by leaving the provocative situation if possible. Then label how you are feeling and ask yourself why you are feeling that way. It is easier to handle a feeling when we give it a name.

For example, “I am really frustrated that I cannot skate as well as my friends” or “I am angry with my friend because she didn't invite me to her party.”

While you may be able to identify the reason correctly in some cases, the human mind is also complex and confusing. Supposing you fail a test and then your mother calls you careless for losing your lunch bag. On most days, you would respond calmly, but because you are upset by your failing grade, you snap at your mother.

Help at hand

If you are feeling angry or depressed more often than usual or are in a bad mood most of the time, talk to someone about it.

Approach a friend, parent or family member and tell them how you are feeling.

If there is a problem that needs to be resolved, perhaps your confidante can help.

However, if the problem cannot be identified or solved, ask for professional help. Do not feel shy about doing so.

If your anger makes you want to hurt either yourself or someone physically, see a counsellor immediately.

The author is Director, PRAYATNA.