A season of change

Before you know it, the year is almost done. What have I written about; what have I learnt? It’s hard to say, and it matters more today. You see, this is my last article for the year — and for a while. So for now, I am going to just sit. And breathe in the memories of a year gone by. Moments that made me wonder, and ask why.

Why do I not read as much as I used to? The phone is a distraction. Social media is another. I started my year pleading to disconnect to connect. Have I succeeded? Or was it only for effect. I did make a conscious attempt to meet friends and family. I met many people this year — mostly good, thankfully. Old friendships are special, and cannot be replaced. An old pal drags me to a movie hall. Does not stop looking at her phone at all. When I look pointedly, she looks away. And in a chocolate haze, I pass that day.

I met up with people from my happy past, maybe you have too. If you haven’t, I hope that in 2016 you do. For all of us looking for love, for love looking to work, for work looking to be rewarding, for lessons that do not hurt, all I can say is let it all come your way. If that’s what you want. You see, I have learnt that some parts of life do pain. Enough to wonder if we will feel again. We burn bridges, we sigh our tears, we slow down to a dead halt, and worry about our fears. But, “

There is no grief in this, only the old year/consuming itself… ” (‘Chinese New Year’, Lynda Hull)

Once you go through something, it’s done, almost always it is won. To win is good, but not essential. To know yourself is. Not in the Zen I-am-so-mellow way, but just to be able to say, okay I know what’s good and what’s not. I know if life is yes/no/black/white or grey. And this new year, it’s like how Jimmy Santiago Baca says, “

It would be neat if with the New Year/I could leave my loneliness behind with the old year./My leathery loneliness an old pair of work boots/my dog vigorously head-shakes back and forth in its jaws... ” (‘It would Be Neat If With The New Year’)

Animals are definitely on my mind for next year. It is a feast of love to have an animal know you and love you. But what do we do? Show unbearable unkindness and, in this, find that we are the animals. I hope we are all more loving to each other, no matter what the origin of the species. We are together in this and the sooner we know, the more our chance for bliss. In the delightful poem, ‘If Feeling Isn’t In It’, John Brehm describes the simple life of dogs, “ Nor are they given to pretentious self-importance./They don’t try to impress you with how serious/or sensitive they are. They just feel everything/full blast. Everything is off the charts/with them. ”

To live life that free, with that liberty. It’s more in the heart, than in the actions, I hope you’d agree. For like Peter Gizzi asks in ‘Hypostasis & New Year’, “

For why am I afraid to sing/the fundamental shape of awe/should I now begin to sing the silvered back of/ the winter willow spear/the sparkling agate blue/would this blade and this sky free me to speak/intransitive lack –/the vowels themselves free... ”

I bid farewell on a hopeful note. I hope the coming year brings more meetings with friends, foes (why not?), and family. I wish for conversations that make us laugh, and think. And the understanding that it’s vital to do this. So we need to savour, enjoy, give thanks, be grateful, be loving, be more kind, and mean what we say. Here’s wishing you and yours an exciting, ecstatic, and inspiring 2016.

Srividya is a poet. Read her work at www.rumwrapt.blogspot.in