“Hi, will you be my friend?”, “Nice profile picture… are you married?”, “Can we meet up?”… A peek into my friend’s mobile shows me all these messages. “Creep alert,” she says with a ‘been-there-done-that’ look, followed by an instant click on the ‘block’ icon. Many of my male friends are also fleeing from the online space because of women who unfairly brand them as creeps, and are quick to take offence at even a silly joke. One man bitterly complained how his high-school friend was annoyed when he had joked about another girl.
As WhatsApp and Facebook become major hubs for picking up dates and potential partner scrounging, new relationship issues crop up. The women are often branded prudes, while the men constantly find themselves stuck in the ‘creep’ zone. And there are misunderstandings galore. Trying to get over my first break-up, I found comfort in an old friend. We chatted for hours about books, music and cinema. Things were going fine till he started sending me lewd messages, and that really messed things up.
Since then, I have been terrified of any man-woman interactions on WhatsApp. There seems to be boundary issues, where it is very easy to pass intimate remarks without any repercussions. Was it just me, or is this how online relationships work these days?
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My friends tell me that technology and the anonymity factor have blurred boundaries. People say things they would otherwise hesitate to in person. Emojis and smileys cannot accurately gauge a stranger whom you found attractive at that party last night. But I learnt there are people who follow some online rules to steer clear of awkward situations.
Many of my friends, who had their share of online goof-ups, told me that honesty is the best way. I could not agree more. Some approach me pretending to want something and end up flirting. There is nothing more irksome than this.
If you are determined to romance online, choose your words wisely, because this is a predominantly texting medium. I would reject even the most dashing man on earth, if his texts carry typos and grammar mistakes. There is nothing more charming than a person who uses well-crafted, grammatical sentences. And, a ‘no’ is a no. Many of my male friends are hounded by women, who never give up. Get the hint, girls. He is just not that into you! Also, men should stop being persistent. True, Indian cinema celebrates the stalker hero, who chases the heroine until she relents. But, this never-say-die attitude is not really going to get you that girl, who is probably getting ready to set the cops on you. Having a best friend from the opposite gender always helps. They give you a reality check. A few of my male friends cannot thank their female best friends enough, for drilling sense into their heads and preventing them from sending those emotionally needy text messages late at night.
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Everyone agrees on one rule. Initiate an online conversation with someone you have met at least once or twice, and with whom you have had a good conversation. Because, nothing can replace the warmth of offline bonding. And, be honest about your tastes, and do not tailor them to please the other person. Keep it real, even while you are having fun in the virtual world.