How To... — Lose your job

On your first day at work, walk in fashionably late. Tell your boss you were at the salon getting your hair and make-up done because you wanted to be the best looking in the office. Then scan the room, shrug and say: “I shouldn’t have spent five grand at the parlour because clearly even without make-up I would be the best looking person here.”

You think you are way too cool to carry a lunch dabba . So at the canteen, turn your nose up at what’s being served, and head to your boss’ cabin. Survey his plate, whip out your fork, and start sampling what’s on his / her plate. He / she won’t be amused but at least you won’t stay hungry

After lunch, push back your chair, rest your foot on the table, plug your earphones and take a short nap. If your seniors give you work to do, tell them it can wait because anything you do now is bound to have mistakes

And finally, when you freshen up after your nap and find your table covered with papers and things to do, scoop up half of them and evenly distribute them on your boss’ and seniors’ table. Tell them you believe in equal distribution of labour

In case you manage to last a week at your new workplace, pat yourself on the back. Continue your good work by rushing to the conference room every evening at 4 to catch up on the repeat episodes of “The Big Bang Theory”. Who cares if your colleague is waiting for you to finish a PpowerP point presentation? What Sheldon says to Penny and the others is far more important and much more entertaining than those dreary things at work. And when you are r back at your seat and see your boss frowning just hand him / her an anti-wrinkle cream to get rid of those dreadful deeply carved worry lines