What defines a woman’s role in society? Rather, what confines it? The answer came to BBC World News Reporter Zarghuna Kargar when her personal life was in turmoil. In keeping with her Afghan traditions, Kargar — who moved to the U.K. along with her family as a youngster — had an arranged marriage. It was an unhappy one but she stayed in the relationship without seeking a way out.
As she interacted with Afghan women for her show Afghan Woman’s Hour , and gained a perspective on their plight in a patriarchal society, the hypocrisy in her life hit her. As she mentions in an interview with The Guardian : “I was thinking, actually I have choice. I was educated. I had a good job and no children. I was capable of doing it and I had the support of the legal system.” So she eventually divorced her husband.
Born and raised in Kabul, Kargar’s family moved to Pakistan to escape the civil wars in Afghanistan. There she attended a journalism course organised by the BBC. Later, her family moved to London in 2001 seeking asylum and that is where her stint with the BBC began. Yet, her Afghan roots remained strong. “I feel like an Afghan woman because I am one. I might live in the UK but I have lived the same moments that some Afghan women have lived back in Afghanistan,” she responds via e-mail.
ADVERTISEMENT
Her book
How much has Afghanistan changed since your family lived there?
Afghanistan has changed a lot in the last 13 years, especially for women. Women now work as MPs, ministers, teachers and doctors. Thirteen years ago under the Taliban, they were not allowed to work. Millions of girls are now going to school and universities. But women still face high levels of domestic violence, poverty and lack of health facilities. But over all they do have more freedom on a social level, particularly in cities.
ADVERTISEMENT
Afghan society was once considered more liberal than Pakistan’s. When did that change? Are women the biggest victims of that change?
When I was growing up in Afghanistan, every girl could go to school. Women were very active in every aspect of daily life; they did not wear burqas unless they wanted to. When the Mujahideen came to power, life changed dramatically. Every woman was forced to wear a hijab , strict Islamic rule was implemented in schools, the school curriculum changed and women stopped appearing on TV. Even if they did, they would wear headscarves. Their social engagement became limited as civil war erupted and then the Taliban came to power; then they couldn’t even go out of their homes and girls were banned from schools.
Why does the story of the war widows stand out for you?
During this time, whether it was the Soviet era or the Mujahideen, young men had to go to war and when a soldier is killed, he most likely leaves a widow behind. I have met many widows from my country and heard their stories. I have seen widows in my own family. Now that the foreign troops are leaving and Afghan soldiers continue to fight, I felt the need to hear from the women affected what this war had done to them.
How easy or difficult was it for you to get them to talk?
On a personal level it was not hard. I think Afghan women are brilliant storytellers and they talk a lot among themselves. As an Afghan woman, I have that connection with them. But, in a conservative society, it was not easy to get them to agree to appear on a film. I had to talk to them again and again to convince them that it is important to talk about their loss. The biggest challenge was to find three or four women among nearly two million who would talk to us openly on camera. Luckily I had built up a trust during my work on Afghan Woman’s Hour .
What is their perception of war and terrorism?
None of the widows like the war; they know the cost more than anyone else. But they thought that it was important that they had freedom from the Taliban.
Do they appreciate a platform like this documentary to tell their side of the story?
Of course. One of the women said it was the first time someone had asked her how she felt and what the war meant to her. The fact that they agreed to talk shows that they know the importance of their voice being heard.
The tragedy is the same but do Afghan and British women deal with the loss differently?
British women have better support systems and financially, they don’t face the hardship that Afghan widows do. For Afghan widows, life is almost like a prison but the British widows have every freedom that a woman with a husband has.
What do you think of the common perception of Afghan women?
I think some might perceive them weak but I see them the most able. Unfortunately they haven’t had the opportunities available to other women. Also some might not think about the resilience of these women. I see Afghan women as the most resilient.
Can you share a story each of an Afghan woman and a British woman that impacted you the most?
I cried with Nicki every time I watched and heard her talking about how the plane that Lee was carried in passed over. It just breaks my heart and when Tajbibi talks about how she went out and saw her loving husband in a coffin. But I can tell you over all I have cried with each of them women I have spoken to.
What is your hope for the future of the women in Afghanistan?
I hope that the life for every Afghan woman will change; that soon they will be able to enjoy basic human freedoms; that governments will hear their voice and provide them with support so that at least their children can attend school and change their lives for the better.
To view the clips and more information on the documentary visit: >http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-28363211