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‘Tis a question of problems

June 07, 2018 05:00 pm | Updated 05:00 pm IST

School has just begun and with it, new issues crop up. Take math, for example...

Illustration: Sahil Upalekar

I’ve heard people say that if you really wish for something with all your heart then the universe works to make it happen. I’m not sure why asteroids, red giants and black holes would be concerned about what human beings want. Don’t they have cooler things to do in outer space? But hey, when you hear enough people say it, you start to wonder ‘What if it’s true? Why don’t I try and see if I can just really, really, really want with all my heart to get an A+ in my math test without studying?’ But guess what? Wishing and hoping will only get you a C-. And that’s if you’re lucky.

Weight issues

Why am I talking about school? Well, it’s back. Like those velociraptors in Jurassic Park that you think you outran but then spring a massive surprise on you when you least expect it. SCHOOL IS BACK. And boy does Std V have teeth and claws.

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First of all, I have four math books. FOUR! How much math is out there and why do I have to learn all of it? Our English textbook weighs about the same as my pesky brother does after he’s eaten an entire pizza. And there’s a matching workbook that weighs just as much. Mademoiselle B who didn’t finish last year’s French book, has to catch up and finish it PLUS this year’s textbook. We’re supposed to learn about simple machines and the evolution of man in science, and rights of citizens in social studies. What about the rights of students? The right not to have to study boring things nobody cares about?

If it wasn’t bad enough that I had to learn multiplication tables up to 12, this year we have a new math teacher who’s horrified I don’t know my tables up to 20 by heart. She said that if someone woke me up in the middle of the night and asked me what 17x9 was, I should be able to tell them immediately. First of all, WHY would anyone wake me up in the middle of the night to ask me what 17x9 is? Second of all, I don’t even like to be woken up in the morning, so you can imagine I might be more than a little annoyed if someone woke me up midnight to ask me multiplication questions. You can be pretty sure I won’t be in a mood to do math.

Well, right now, I am hoping with all my heart, with every fibre, molecule and cell of my being that school just disappears off the face of the earth. Or that time is reversed and I’m at the start of the summer vacation again. OK, if that’s not going to happen, can some racoons break into my house and eat all my books? Just my math books? Just ONE math book? Come on universe, help me out here. I’m wishing for this with all my heart.

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