METRO PLUS

Fine-tune your romance

If you remember the good old days when romance was filled mostly with emotion, the beaches were clean and so were the intentions... then you're probably married or you're stuck in the wrong time frame! And this article is not meant for you. Romance or even the thought of being romantic today is brutal and its success often depends on your daddy's bank balance. But fear not, for there are always alternative ways to turn that lump of mush into a lean mean romance machine.

So forget about Romeo. "He never existed anyway!" This column will basically teach you the dos and don'ts of dating, romance and all the other silly little things that men (and a few women) have to do for that other person. Romance is an ever-changing phase "never repeat anything you try, and try everything once". In other words, "spend baby spend!" But money isn't everything, after all, this is more about the Don Juan in all of us and all he had was a mouth, a rose... and the rest of his body.

Also this column is especially catered for all you teachers' pets that have to ask questions all the time... in fact that's exactly what we'll do, answer all your questions related to anything that YOU GUYS CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON!!

How does one become a romantic?

This is my favourite pastime simply because observation can be such bliss sometimes when a lot of men and women (remember equality of the sexes) don't know romance even if it slapped them in the face and drilled holes in their pants... or skirts but yet they go on and on about how Romeo and walks on the beach are related to them somehow. Ok, if you really want to do it right, then know that it's like public relations or kissing up to the boss, remembering every special occasion, doing something about it and even creating your own special occasion sometimes. But don't overdo it then that's obsession.

What's different?

Today's woman is smart and not all of us can pull off that lavish mood set up all the time so following the routine is out. What you can do is sweep that little lady so far off her feet that it hurts when she falls. Forget the boring flowers and candy; find an open space and write her name in candles then show her and dance around them (make sure you have the fire department's number on speed dial though). Forget that dinner at a fancy restaurant; invite her over and let her watch you cook a romantic dinner for two. Forget that walk on the beach, think baby turtles (Nature provides ready romance. All you have to do is find out where and when they have those turtle walks). So there!! Well-rounded ways to instantly turn you into a killer romantic.

Why do we stoop to such a level?

Simple, my friends. The perks... there is no greater feeling than when a woman or man (hey it is 2005) sprays love all over you in so many nice ways... cuddling, kisses, thank you notes, handcuffs... (ok too kinky, but it really works for some).

Now go try out these alternatives. What's the worst that could happen (you'll be alone maybe!!) And if that happens, call it practice. Take care and remember, for you men, sanity is knee high... because everything above really drives a man insane!!

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