Why we have to talk about porn

This generation will learn about sex through pornography on their smartphones or personal computers. We must help them separate the fact from the fiction.

Sex education in schools has been largely about human biology and anatomy. We also need to guide children about pornography and ensure it doesn't end up teaching them sexual disrespect. | The People Speak!'s Flickr photostream

If you’re reading this, you probably watch porn. It’s OK. This is not about judging you. Your dad probably looked at porn magazines (which is why he was so sullen the day Hugh Heffner died) and today you can probably have long and detailed conversations with your friends about porn. What is alarming, is how the increasing access to porn is shaping society and we’re not really doing much about it.

There are few shriller examples of life imitating art, than teenagers learning about sex through porn. It’s time to talk about porn and how it shapes young minds — particularly the minds of young boys. Porn is part of the wider socio-cultural tableau that determines what we find attractive in partners and, with the advent of the Internet and smartphones, is now more easily accessible and less tightly regulated than ever. The science and the stats around who watches porn are not conclusive, but various estimates settle on the fact that most men and many women watch it regularly . You don’t need to be a rocket-scientist to have figured this out. What is crucial for us to understand is how our changing relationship with porn will impact our relationships with one another.

Pornhub’s annual country-specific statistics are fascinating. Its 2016 analytics report is well worth a look, but here are the numbers that matter for India. The average Indian spent around eight minutes on the website at a stretch, which was just a minute below the global average. One of the most interesting insights to come from the report is: “Most countries take great pride in their nationality, but India takes it to a whole other level as made evident by their top searches on Pornhub. The majority of searches (top, relative and gaining) include ‘Indian’.” So, we may make a fuss about standing for the national anthem in the movie theatre, but we show our patriotism in other ways. What we watch is pretty vanilla; it’s mostly limited to videos involving wives, teachers, aunties and so forth. Nothing that Savita Bhabhi hasn’t (un)covered.

The more interesting insights come from who is watching. One-third of porn viewers in India are women and 48% of the viewers are aged 18-24 (the highest proportion among of the top 20 countries by traffic). Now, Pornhub is obviously going to have asked its viewers to sign a disclaimer to verify that they are above the age of 18, but who are we kidding here? It’s almost certain that a huge number of viewers are below 18 — in fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if this age group was the majority. 70% of all hits from India came via smartphones. For a country that gave us the Kama Sutra and carvings of wild orgies on temples, porn and sex are still taboo subjects in India. Yet teenage boys have access to hardcore, often violent sexual content on their smartphones and I can see how this will lead to major problems.

 

One criticism of porn is irrefutable: it sets wildly unrealistic expectations about sex and perpetuates a warped view of what a sexual partner should be and do

 

Let’s talk about the pros and cons of porn in general, before delving into the millennial-smartphone conundrum. The effects of porn and porn-addiction have not been studied in great detail but this report from the American Psychology Association is an excellent primer. To summarise, proponents of porn argue that it provides a private and generally harmless way to relieve tension and release sexual energy and can also enhance one's sex life. On the other hand, critics would argue that porn leads to addiction, broken relationships and other unhealthy behaviours — not to mention the reality that many young women are trafficked and coerced into the porn/sex industry against their will. One criticism of porn is irrefutable: it sets wildly unrealistic expectations about sex and perpetuates a warped view of what a sexual partner should be and do. Even ‘conventional’ studio porn (targeted at males) will probably involve 30 minutes of extravagant gyration before the astonishingly well-endowed man climaxes, with a woman of cosmetically altered features screaming loud encouragement from impossible angles. It’s a fantasy — and that’s OK.

What’s frightening is the tendency of fantasies to get boring after a while and having to be replaced by newer, more taboo scenarios to elicit the same primal excitement. In trying to find those new highs, we stumble into darker themes. A cursory glance at the home page of any porn site shows a large proportion of videos with incest, racial stereotypes and rape. Child porn is the only theme I can think of that is banned and well-regulated on those websites. Thank goodness. The good thing for India is that we haven’t reached those truly taboo themes yet: the top Indian search terms are “indian”, “indian wife” and “indian college”. But boys will want to explore and they have means that no generation before them have had. Most Indian porn videos on the Internet are grainy camera-phone clips of amateurs in poorly lit bedrooms but that will change as producers see the latent demand and start creating professional content.

 

My fear is that the kind of porn that boys watch will make them flawed, even dangerous, sexual partners. A teenage boy has to press his smartphones less than 10 times to see hardcore, potentially violent porn. He will emulate those actions since his expectations of sex have been shaped by fantasy, not reality, his partner may not be able to satisfy him, let alone enjoy the experience her/himself. Not only do women watch less porn than men, they watch different porn , where more attention is given to lesbian porn and cunnilingus. Women watch porn that focusses on them reaching an orgasm .

And that is usually totally absent from male-centric porn. The result being that boys, when having sex, will use their female partners as nothing more than a tool. Instead of seeking to make a loving, respectful sexual connection, they will imitate the warped, aggressive sex they’ve seen in porn videos all their lives. Hopefully their partners will tell them and perhaps they’ll listen, but it would take a fundamental change in behaviour to get to an equilibrium based on mutual respect. Boys may also feel like girls expect them to look and perform like male porn-stars and therefore feel disillusioned when the whole thing is over in a matter of seconds. Males, dissatisfied with the real-life sexual experiences, may become porn addicts and this could lead to a whole myriad of relationship issues. Lastly, girls may become victims of sexual violence and not feel empowered to push-back against sex acts that they find inappropriate. Given India’s pathetic marital rape laws, this is perhaps the most worrying aspect.

So, what can we do? The government already tries to regulate porn but trying to regulate the Internet is like trying to cut one head off the Hydra: two more will grow back. Another idea may be to change the way sexual education is imparted in schools. It is currently a biology class — and that’s great — but it also needs to be taught as a socio-psychology class. We have to assume that boys and girls have already watched porn and teach them why what they’ve seen is probably damaging and unrealistic. Porn and sex are sensitive topics and there are vested interests, namely the conservative, religious Right, who will seek to keep things that way. It is in their interests to repress sexual expression — particularly for women. Instead, liberals have to work with schools, medical professionals (sexual reproductive health experts and psychologists) and parents to determine the best curriculum.

 

We can choose to bury our heads in the sand and pretend like teenagers don’t watch porn or just let them find their own path, as previous generations did. But there is a difference: 30 years ago, you had to buy a pornographic magazine from a store; 20 years ago you had to rent a pornographic movie; 10 years ago you had to get access to a private computer; today you can sit alone in your room and watch hours of the most violent, warped content imaginable and no one will ever know. Teenagers have always rebelled to explore their own sexuality, but given how technology and demographics have changed, we must adapt too.