What will Mr. Mathrubootham do if he becomes PM?

If god has given some people brain in skull and other people cauliflower even Mr. Mathrubootham can do what?

March 16, 2019 06:32 pm | Updated March 18, 2019 02:08 pm IST

vector illustration of Family at the dining table with gadget

vector illustration of Family at the dining table with gadget

Respected Madam/Sir,

How many times I have said, if children are the future of this country means then future of country is minimum 80% karumam of all karumams .

But does that mean Mr. Mathrubootham is never helping children when they need help? No, no, thousand times no. I am helping any time.

Mathematics exam is coming? I will give tuition. Hindi poetry recitation is there, I will teach perfect pronunciation of superhit ‘Moorjhaya Phool’ by Subhadrakumari Chauhan to any neighbour children. Accountancy exam next week? Please come to Mr. Mathrubootham’s house for full and full free crash course in double-entry. Nearby Mrs. Sethupathy’s son is having science exam and so far he has only completed three chapters on muttaal, manangkatti and mandashiromani ?

Please send immediately, but keep one thing in your mind Mrs. Sethupathy, if god has given some people brain in skull and other people cauliflower even Mathrubootham can do what?

Madam/Sir, why I am taking all this headache and putting it on my head? Just social service. Nothing and nobody else. Retired life means you must do something for the next generation also no? Otherwise whole country will be full of 80% buffoons. Normally, maybe 40%, but 40% added when NRIs come for vacation.

So two days back when daughter of 4th floor Mrs. Raghavan said, “Mathrubootham uncle, one English essay competition is there in social studies class can you please help,” I said, “Please come at your convenience I am ready.”

After sometime she came with one small plastic bag. I said, “Shamiana or Shawarma or something name like that, where is textbook and notebook and all? Not even ration card will fit in this bag?” She said, “Uncle, what jambuvan era things you are talking? Inside this bag is super slim laptop I am using for homework and studies and all. Notebook and all out of fashion.”

I said, “Ok, ok, now sit down and let us start discussions.” Mrs. Mathrubootham brought us tea and juice and glucose biscuits and all.

Immediately, I went to the kitchen and called Mrs. Mathrubootham for secret discussion in the storeroom. “Kamalam,” I said, “thousands and thousands of times I have said, don’t give free food to children, don’t give free food to children, also where you are keeping the glucose biscuit? I can never find it how come?”

She said, “Old man, what nonsense you are talking. Maybe these children will become some MLA or MP or IAS or something and they will think: Mr. and Mrs. Mathrubootham gave too much support, maybe I will give them petrol pump or something. Also, not just glucose biscuit, I have hidden many things in this house, you will never find anything.”

“Oho! Your intelligence is too much Kamalam,” I said, “why don’t you hide yourself and then I will try to find within three or four years. Bloody nonsense. In my own house, biscuits are being hidden.”

I went back to Shalimar and said, “Ok, what is the essay?” She said, “Essay topic is simple, if you are made Prime Minister for one year what will you do? Uncle give some ideas.”

I said, “For this and all you came, it is too easy. If you are PM, you should build all the roads, make hospitals, improve schools, and maybe improve trains and all.” She said, “Uncle, this is too boring. Give more masala ideas? First prize in essay competition is mobile phone. Road and all so boring.”

“Ok, maybe you should say if I become PM I will immediately make world-class museums and art gallery like London and New York fully free for all the public?”

She said, “Uncle what you are giving ideas from 1819 instead of 2019. You are boring me also. Any other ideas?”

I said, “Oh my god, ok. Then you just say I will do one war with Pakistan, build one IIT on the moon, and then build one shopping mall in every district of India.” She said, “Uncle you are a great man, this is superb ideas for nation.”

I said, “My dear Shurpanaka, don’t stop here, also if I am PM every Indian will get one bullet train for personal use.” She thought for two minutes and said, “Uncle, that is konjum over no, how about one per house?”

Yours in exasperation with next generation,

J. Mathurubootham

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