I was walking home the other day when I stubbed my toe against a slightly protrusive bit of pavement, and tripped. “Be careful,” a stranger said, as he walked past. Be careful? What sort of redundant advice is that? I should’ve punched him right then for being condescending.
Now you’re probably thinking I’m overreacting, and that the man’s intentions were nothing but good. “He was looking out for your safety,” you say. Yeah right. What’s the point of telling me to be careful about something after that something has already affected my life in a negative way? You might as well be saying, “Hey, idiot! Next time you walk past that spot, try not to make a fool of yourself in public.”
I don’t see how else his advice could be helpful. Perhaps if he had been trying to tell me to be careful of several other slightly protrusive bits of pavement that lay in my path. If so, then he would have been assuming that I don’t have the basic common sense to figure that out for myself. Thank you, Stranger Uncle, for your concern, but Mother Nature has already beat you to the advice giving through the medium of pain. I hurt my toe once, and I will ensure that it won’t happen again. In the near future, at least.
I began to realise that this sort of condescending fake advice is being doled out all the time.
The other day, my Tamilian friend made some sambhar to make me feel more at home in Mumbai. If she had bothered to ask me what I was really craving, I would’ve said sweet pongal . But seeing as it wasn’t the season of harvest, I didn’t want to make unreasonable demands. Once the sambhar was prepared, it was poured into a hot case from which I tasted a spoonful. Needless to say, it burned the taste buds right off my tongue, after which my vocal chords used said numb tongue, merely milliseconds later, to yell out in pain.
“Careful, it’s still hot,” cried my friend. “Well I know that now, don’t I,” I yelled back. She was offended that I was offended at her concern. Well then, where was she in the crucial seconds before the scalding hot ladies finger gravy entered my mouth?
I’m sure you’ve all been there, too. I honestly think that the reason people jump at the chance to offer their terrible hindsight advice is that it makes them feel like they’re better than us. “Be careful” might as well translate to, “Hey! I didn’t make the stupid mistake you just did, so try to be more like me, won’t you?”
So the next time you see someone trip or fall or burn their tongue, tell them something they could actually use, like, “Don’t be embarrassed, it happened to me too!” Or, “Put some ice on that.” Or better yet, just laugh in their faces. It will hurt less.
Naveen Richard is a comedian, actor and writer based out of Bengaluru. Columnist Jane De Suza will be back in a fortnight.
