The Western handshake is going out of fashion. Do we replace it with the dab?

It’s more dynamic than the “peace” sign, less intrusive than the hug

May 19, 2018 04:05 pm | Updated 04:05 pm IST

 Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, greets a Maori elder with the traditional hongi.

Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, greets a Maori elder with the traditional hongi.

The pat -riarchy has been well and truly put on the mat of public opinion. Is it a high five for the mat -riarchy? For clearly the days when a pat on the cheek, or a light slap on the bottom, were regarded as a perk and not a perversion are over.

What about the dab? Obama does the dab. Prince Harry has reasons to be dabbing. It’s a victory sign that is both inclusive and liberating. “You point both your hands in a straight line upwards, one arm across the chest. Drop one knee. Bend your head into your elbow. And smile!” explained one street-smart dabber in Chennai. Apparently, it’s the rage. More dynamic than the “peace” sign, less intrusive than the hug.

It’s not just in the personal domain that these tumultuous questions of the correct social etiquette of when to touch, or not to touch, are being subjected to eagle-eyed scrutiny. The Western handshake itself is going out of fashion. The once universally accepted way of reaching out and greeting a friend, or of assuaging an enemy, or merely sealing a business contract, has undergone a shift. As the Asian tigers, leaping dragons and ambling elephants step out of the menagerie of the new economic world order, a whole new etiquette is evolving on how to greet and meet their fellow heads of state.

Would it have been in order if the heavily pregnant Jacinda Ardern, Prime Minister of New Zealand, who wore a Maori cape while being introduced to Queen Elizabeth II, had leaned forward and greeted her with a hongi? It’s the traditional form of greeting among the leaders of the Maori when meeting an elder from another tribe. Each hongi-er leans face forward and lightly touches the opposite person on the forehead and nose, eyes down. They are said to be exchanging soul-breaths or mingling their human essence. Ardern, not being a Maori proper, did no such thing. Clearly, the Queen receiving her at Windsor Castle was the dominant force. As etiquette demanded, the Queen extended her hand in a formal handshake and Ardern accepted it.

This has been the order of the day till very recently. That is, the older or socially more prominent person in the hierarchy stretches out a hand and the younger accepts it.

Many decades ago when my sister Surya and I were young girls at a very proper French school in Stockholm, we were drilled in the formal manner of shaking hands. We performed what was called a ‘bob’ or curtsy. It required moving the right foot back and bending the knee all in one smooth action. There was also a butterfly bob that meant holding out the edges of our skirted uniforms like wings while bobbing. “Never stretch your hand out until the older person offers his or her hand,” we were instructed. Bobbing up and down the corridors when we passed a senior student or member of the staff was a way of ensuring discipline. Needless to add, it was an all-girls school managed by French nuns.

 Footballer Paul Pogba does the dab.

Footballer Paul Pogba does the dab.

It was an era when the French dominated the business of social etiquette, particularly in films where famous French actors like Maurice Chevalier or Louis Jourdan demonstrated the art of greeting a lady by the hand.

The hand in question would be raised a few degrees above the lady’s waist by the man looking into her eyes. The perfect Frenchman would then swoop down murmuring enchanté and lightly graze the air above the delicate hand. It was a butterfly kiss that conveyed centuries of superior breeding. The lips did not touch the hand.

We will not discuss the even more delicate question of social kissing for that would require a whole chapter involving the Judas Kiss of betrayal, the Mafia kiss of allegiance, the humble kissing of the hem of a saint by a penitent, and the political kissing of babies by American presidential hopefuls. This, we may add, is now on the decline, led by the rumours of various epidemics.

“Noli me tangere” — Do not touch me, exclaims the rising figure of Christ as he floats over the figure of Mary Magdalene kneeling at the open tomb. She has recognised him in what is one of the most celebrated moments in Christian iconography known as ‘The Resurrection’. He has become pure spirit. His soul-essence cannot be touched by contact with the gross body of a human being.

“Dear Mary,” writes a worried correspondent in this month’s The Spectator magazine, the bible of Right-thinking persons in the U.K. “Do I have to hug my cleaning lady when she stands in line with all the other guests at my son’s wedding reception?” I am paraphrasing the question somewhat.

The writer adds that her day-to-day relations with her cleaning lady are excellent. They share a cup of tea. Nor is it related Dear Mary’s advice. For the dilemma is a familiar one. How does one respond when social differences between persons of different races, classes, genders and ages are no longer the signifiers they used to be?

Some of us would extol the virtues of the namaste , the two palms gently cupped together in a lotus pose that also references the human spirit. It is held at different levels of the upper body in the countries of South Asia where the science of hand mudras have taken on various meanings. The Japanese combine both minimalism and Buddha-like simplicity by bowing from the waist down, head slightly lowered depending on the degree of deference.

Finally, however, it’s been left to West Asia to refine the art of greeting to its barest minimum. The right hand placed over the heart is eloquent in its simplicity. It signifies both universal love and compassion.

The media critic and commentator decodes the baffling variety of human behaviour in our global village.

0 / 0
Sign in to unlock member-only benefits!
  • Access 10 free stories every month
  • Save stories to read later
  • Access to comment on every story
  • Sign-up/manage your newsletter subscriptions with a single click
  • Get notified by email for early access to discounts & offers on our products
Sign in

Comments

Comments have to be in English, and in full sentences. They cannot be abusive or personal. Please abide by our community guidelines for posting your comments.

We have migrated to a new commenting platform. If you are already a registered user of The Hindu and logged in, you may continue to engage with our articles. If you do not have an account please register and login to post comments. Users can access their older comments by logging into their accounts on Vuukle.