I kept my unipolar depression a secret for years. My reasoning: people could not see that I was ill, so they would not believe that I was actually suffering. However, about 12 years ago, while working in the e-publishing sector, I let my guard down and confided in a colleague, who I thought was also a friend. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have been surprised at her response: she told me that it was all in my head.
Physical illness is typically the reason behind people taking days off from work. But what happens when your symptoms are not visible to others? When you are stressed beyond belief, or when your depression is so bad that you cannot get out of bed, or when you are just burnt out, it is beneficial to take a mental health day. Unfortunately, this concept is still alien in India.
Maya Natarajan, who works in the HR department of a large IT company in Chennai, says, “Nobody has ever taken leave citing 'mental health day'. Most of them even show up to work with a cold or fever. So they would never take a day off with the former reason.” My personal experience attests to that. Even outside of work, in my social circle, I have had responses ranging from the truly sympathetic to the utterly bizarre. One person once even asked me why I could not just “decide to not be sad”. There is still a lack of understanding that it is so much more than just 'feeling sad’. The reality is that depression is caused by chemical imbalance in the brain, which, in turn, causes physical symptoms such as exhaustion.
Conversations with those who brave the workforce throw up their daily fears — valid ones at that. Gauri Shyam*, a friend who also suffers from depression, works an eight-hour shift with an MNC in Chennai. She is understandably bitter when she says, “I don't dare take a mental health day. I'll be finished — I won't get a promotion or be given the tasks I am entrusted with now.” Does that mean she has never taken a day off for that reason? “Of course, I have. But I pretended to have a fever,” she shrugs.
This is the reality for those of us who battle depression and mental health issues here in India. While switching to a freelance writing life has had no impact on my illness, going on medication has helped. The consensus seems to be that asking for a day off citing mental health reasons is still taboo, because it could lead to real consequences in the workplace. There is the occasional ray of hope. Like the Bengaluru-based firm, DocsApp, where employees are granted sick leave if they need to take a mental health day. Here is hoping more companies take a leaf out of this book.
*name changed
