‘How do I handle full-fledged tantrum?’, ‘My child tends to hurt himself out of frustration. What do I do?’, ‘What do I do if my in-laws interfere with my parenting style?’, ‘How do I deal with parental guilt?’, ‘How do I engage my toddler better?’
These are some of the questions mothers ask travel-schooler, minimalist, and zero-waste practitioner Durgesh Nandhini and certified family life coach Priya Karthick at a recent workshop on parenting toddlers.
Their answers, however multi-dimensional they may be, come back to one place: the parent. Parenting, according to Durgesh and Priya, is all about parents becoming better versions of themselves; learning and growing with their children. Here’s their take on parenting toddlers:
Tantrums
Tantrums are a child’s way of expressing himself. It builds character, since it teaches the child to identify his individuality. “I’m so excited to see a tantrum,” says Durgesh. “It helps me understand my child better.” According to Priya, the best way to deal with a toddler’s tantrums, is to listen to him. “It is difficult to be a child in an adult’s world. They are trying to tell us this. Never distract them. If you do so, you’re disrespecting them.” She adds, “Just sit down and have a conversation with them.”
Safety
Priya says that she gave her son a plastic knife to explore when he wanted to cut vegetables like her. “He tried cutting carrots and curry leaves and when he realised he couldn’t, he left it,” she says. Durgesh explains that it is not good to over-protect the child. “Only when the child gets hurt, will he realise that he has to be careful the next time. We tend to over-react for them,” she feels.
Grandparents’ involvement in parenting
A child needs two important things to thrive, according to Priya. “One is unconditional love; the other is being heard. Grandparents are able to provide both. They have the time, unlike parents who are constantly on the run, as though we have wheels attached to our feet.” Durgesh says that if a parent feels that their in-laws tend to interfere in their style of parenting, they need to just let go, and let the child be in the environment. “They will grow to be the persons they are, no matter what,” she adds.
Screen time
“Screen time tends to hyper-stimulate a child,” says Durgesh. They will come to expect the reactions and the speed at which actions take place on the screen. So, strictly, no screen time for toddlers.
Teaching
“A child learns by wondering and observing,” says Durgesh. “Do not keep telling her this is how this works and what not. She will find her answers by asking people. Einstein didn’t come up with the Theory of Relativity because someone told him about it. He came up with it by wondering.”
Sharing
The best way to teach a child to share, is by doing so ourselves. “As a parent, ask yourself, have you given enough?” says Durgesh. “The only way you can teach your child is by inspiring.”
Golden rules of parenting
“Do not set boundaries, and rigid walls,” says Durgesh. “The world, the streets around us are the best places for children to learn from.” Adds Priya, “Do not keep thinking of ways to engage your child; rather, observe.”
