The women, all of them between the ages of 63 and 87, are busy talking nineteen to the dozen. While some are busy discussing an upcoming day trip to a resort on the outskirts of the city, others are catching up on the latest in each other’s lives. Dr. Sara Mini Varghese, hostess for the day, is serving everyone tea along with modakams. “Guess the filling,” she tells her guests as they bite into the still steaming hot dumplings.
Mary George laughs, as she correctly guesses the filling - tuna: “Sara loves experimenting in the kitchen. The guessing game is something we are used to playing whenever we come over to Sara’s house.”
The women are all lovers of music: some of them were members of their church choir, some know how to play one musical instrument or another, while some know how to carry a tune. Hymns are a favourite and so are old English and Malayalam songs.
Singing, they say, brings them joy. Says 83-year-old Sara, a former Principal of Kottayam Medical College, who started the group: “We are all widows. While some of us lost our husbands years ago, some of us lost ours recently. When my husband died nine years ago, I felt lonely and started organising luncheons with family and friends. A cousin of mine conducted a sing-along during one of the gatherings and I realised that music chased away the blues.” And so, she started reaching out to a few neighbours, relatives and friends, all of whom had lost their husbands.
The group, which currently has 15 members, meets as often as they can. “We organise pot lucks and gather at a member’s home,” says 63-year-old Rachel Alexander, the youngest in the group.
Sara, says Grace Jacob, a former teacher at Loyola School and later St. Thomas School, is the person who organises each get-together. “She created a Whatsapp group called MOG + [ Minus One Group. The + stands for the positive outlook of its members]. The date and venue of our meet-up is put up in the group. As we learn a new song at each gathering, Sara sends us songs. Most often we sing to her lyrics, which she has set to a familiar tune.”
Each gathering has a theme. “We have held discussions on the various stages of grieving, coping strategies, empowerment... The songs we sing tend to revolve around the topic of discussion. We have invited experts, right from a yoga guru, who held a demonstration on various breathing techniques to a lawyer who discussed wills, property transfer and the like at our get-togethers. Sometimes we organise crossword solving sessions and quizzes. We also do day trips and overnight stays at nearby resorts. In fact, we have a trip coming up this week. But at the end of the day, we are a support group; we are there for each other. For instance, if a member is unwell and does not have anyone for help, we help out. We are like a family,” says Elizabeth George Cherian.
Sara hopes to start or inspire more of such support groups in the city. “It is nice being able to share one’s thoughts, fears and problems with someone who has been through or is going through the same. Also, as music is involved, it heals the soul.”
