Yadhum oore Yavarum Kelir – the adage by Sangam poet Kaniyan Poongundranar, is an example of how the ancient Tamil society was all encompassing of human relationships. “The very structure of the society was based on familial kinship and that’s why we see Tamils giving much importance to relatives to this day. A strong bond can be seen between the families that are related either by blood or marriage,” observes Professor Dr.B.Nalini, Indian Council of Social Science Research Senior Fellow, Department of Sociology, Madurai Kamaraj University. “Kinship gives identity and responsibility to individuals in family and social spheres.”
Nalini takes the example of maternal uncle or ‘thaai mama’ and the importance attached to it. “The authority of the maternal uncle is indisputable in functions like weddings. Likewise the paternal aunt (athai) also has a vital role. These practises should not cease as the future generation should know the importance of kinship. These days, the connection and sensitivity towards relatives have taken a back seat,” she says, speaking at a lecture organised by INTACH Madurai Chapter.
Kinship is part of intangible culture and is a unique legacy that we pass on to the next generation, says Nalini. “It comes with an unwritten set of codes of conduct. There are ways to behave and move with the various relations. For instance, the way an youngster in the family behaves with his/her grandparents is different from his relationship with cousins. Likwise, the pangalis (families of the same lineage) are treated differently from the sambandhis (families that are related through marriage). The former are meant to share the grief and happiness. If a death occurs in a family, it’s the pangalis who par take in the sorrow and chip in to cheer up the aggrieved members.
Nalini also takes note of the specific native terminologies used in various regions to refer to relatives. “Grandparents are referred with so many terms depending on the region and community. The terms should be kept alive and in usage for us to feel the intimacy and emotional bonding,” she says. “Unfortunately, modern day kids mask all terms with an insipid ‘Uncle and aunty’, when we have umpteen ways to refer and regard our relations.” One unique aspect of Tamil culture is the much celebrated cross cousin relationship. “Cross cousin intimacy, love and friendship have been the fulcrum for exciting movie scripts, novels and a subject of discussion in socio cultural platforms. It’s viewed as a friendly jovial relationship between the young members of the related families,” says Nalini. “The youngsters are considered as harbingers of peace between hostile elders in the family. Such a casual friendly relationship helps ease the tension among relatives.”
Speaking about pseudo kinship, she says, “It’s a fictive and ritualistic relationship between two unrelated families, which grows to become a strong bond over the years. They might even call each other as ‘mama’ or ‘macha.” Nalini adds, “At a time when a mini robot, Kirobo Mini, has been launched to quell loneliness and invoke emotional connection, it’s only relevant to talk about retaining and renewing the bonds with our kith and kin. It’s high time, we take the tradition of kinship to our next generation and make them realise the importance of it.”
