In the beginning, there was some concern that 2022 would scrimp on the number of shocks and outrages it’d provide us, coming as it did on the heels of a murderous 2021. But we needn’t have worried.
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January began with news of a roadblock and traffic congestion. Everyday issues for you and me, but here it was the prime minister’s convoy that was stuck for 20 minutes on a flyover in Firozpur, Punjab. Tensions were high, the security lapse was milked for all its drama in television studios. But we can take comfort in the fact that at least the prime minister did not have to send a weepy voice note explaining the delay to his boss. Also on the bright side, petrol prices were being held in check because…
Narendra Modi’s cavalcade stranded on a flyover | Photo Credit: Special Arrangement
February was the month of State election in Uttar Pradesh, where inflation, unemployment and stray cattle were top issues. Furious Twitter wars raged. Meanwhile, internationally, Putin started an actual war with Ukraine. E.U., U.S. and allies imposed sanctions, the Russian stock market tanked even as Russian tanks tanked enroute to war. For a short month, February was determined to deliver full value in terms of shocks and outrages and so, on the last day of the month, the inter-government panel on climate change released a report saying that many impacts of climate charge are on the verge of becoming ‘irreversible’, putting Putin in a difficult spot of having to race to end the world before climate change does.
Comedic slapgate
March did not want to steal February’s thunder, and so it was just more of the same. The war raged on. BJP won four State elections. And in Karnataka, the High Court upheld a ban on girls wearing hijabs in educational institutions. We were beginning to get bored but then at the Oscars, actor Will Smith stormed up to the stage and slapped comedian Chris Rock. ‘Slapgate’ kept us busy.
Will Smith (R) slaps Chris Rock | Photo Credit: REUTERS
In April, the action shifted to the neighbourhood, where Imran Khan was removed from office as prime minister of Pakistan. Khan thundered on in various video clips, spluttering in outrage. But his hair continued to look good: glossy and thick(ish). So, at least there was that. Meanwhile, things were not going well in Sri Lanka either, with the country on the brink of bankruptcy.
By May, 2022 was getting performance anxiety. The half-yearly review was due and it needed to up its game. And so we got… monkeypox! On the 20th, the WHO held an emergency meeting to discuss its spread. The virus had reached a dozen countries and had infected some 100 people. Omicron laughed its head off!
But action-packed June more than made up. Protests broke out around the country after the prime minister announced the Agnipath scheme of short-term recruitments to the Armed Forces. Hundreds of agitators were arrested. Rahul Gandhi was summoned by the Enforcement Directorate, 400 protesting Congress members were detained. Activist Teesta Setalvad was arrested in connection with the 2002 Gujarat riots. Fact-checker Mohammed Zubair was sent to jail. A veritable bull run for prison real estate.
Hail the lettuce
In July, Droupadi Murmu became the youngest person and the first tribal woman to become the president of India. A rapid game of musical chairs was played for Sri Lanka’s top job. We couldn’t remember their names because we were obsessing over Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, two actors who went out of their way to reassure us that celebrity lives are often as messy as our own.
President Droupadi Murmu meets school children in Puri | Photo Credit: Biswaranjan Rout
In August, Nitish Kumar resigned and was re-sworn in as Bihar chief minister over a two-day period. So that was fun. The boy genius with too many letters in his name, R. Praggnanandhaa beat world champion Magnus Carlsen in chess. But we were all too busy watching the Noida Supertech Twin Towers getting demolished. It was… satisfactorily dusty.
Lots happened in September. The Queen of England died. We were told it was OK to hate colonialism, but love the Queen we must. Confusing. But hey, what about life is straightforward? Also, while nine cheetahs were brought to India from Namibia to sing Happy Birthday to Modi, in the UK new prime minister Liz Truss and a head of lettuce entered a competition to see who would last longer.
Liz Truss | Photo Credit: Reuters
Reader, in October, the lettuce won.
Congratulations, November, the world population reached eight billion. Maybe scientists should study whether we are getting turned on by all these predictions of climate apocalypse? The football World Cup began in Qatar and we wanted to talk about human right abuses, but were immediately distracted by the sight of all those rippling calf muscles!
December. All of the world’s greatest living writers came on Twitter to say they too have had book events where no one turned up. Joy! Like with everything this year, the World Cup final too came down to the wire but eventually Messi brought the cup home to Kerala and West Bengal.
And more things happened, but enough already. Next!
Variety ****
Originality **
Overal B-
Veena Venugopal is the author of Independence Day: A People’s History.
