The teen is nose-deep in her phone, earphones plugged in both ears. Hesitatingly, the mother ventures, “You’ve been on the phone for an hour…” The reply is acerbic, as only a 16-year-old’s can be, “It’s for my schoolwork ! Priya is sending me pictures of the notes I missed!”
With schools replacing the diary with WhatsApp groups and notes shared online, parents and children alike are hooked to screens. According to multiple reports, even Silicon Valley giants are trying to wean their children off the teat of technology. With good reason: research suggests that spending more time online leads to greater loneliness among teenagers. Here, real parents tell us how they’ve done it.
Fix a timetable
Many parents believe in scheduling ‘phone’ time. Hyderabad-based Sireesha B, mother of an 11-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter says, “My kids don’t have their own cell phones, but they are allowed to use mine for some designated breaks. My phone is password-protected, so they can’t take it anytime they wish,” she says.
It’s the same for Chennai’s Janu Joseph — her 6-year-old son, gets exactly 20 minutes of playtime on the iPad. “After that, it doesn’t matter how much tantrums he throws. Rules are rules, and eventually, he will get used to it,” says Janu.
Provide alternatives
Surround your children with more interesting things to do. Urmila Sampath, from Mumbai, explains how she takes her girls, 12 and 7, on nature walks on weekends. “On weekdays, they are busy with school and play, but on weekends, we take out some family time, and go bird-watching,” she says.
Mother-of-two Susan K, from Hyderabad, advises helping children explore their interests at a young age. “I had them join taekwondo, music — guitar and drums, basketball, art… Eventually, they continued with the classes they enjoyed,” she says. At the same time, she made sure they got enough unstructured playtime as well. “Technology is everywhere, you can’t limit it, but you can distract them,” she says.
Sireesha, on the other hand, likes to spice things up by playing to her kids’ competitive side. “We used to have weekly contests as to which sibling spent less time on their screens, with a gift for the winner,” she says.
Let there be difficulties
“Your toddler doesn’t eat, you give them a phone to play with while you feed them, and then later, when he is a teenager, you crib that he doesn’t eat without his phone!” laughs Susan. Janu engages her 6-year-old with 3-D jigsaw puzzles and colouring books. “I see many parents on metros and buses, letting children use their phones so that they don’t make a noise,” she says. “ Let them look out the window, talk to them, answer their questions,” she says, adding that journeys should be looked at as a time to let the mind wander.
Asian Father feeding food to cute little Asian 2 years old toddler boy child while watching smartphone at restaurant, Toddlers and mealtime manners, Leisure & technology & internet addiction concept
Admit to a problem
Sudha Sireesh, from Hyderabad, confesses: “I’m a bit of a phone addict myself.” Mother to a 12-year-old, she says she makes sure that she is not on her phone when her daughter is around. Similarly, in Janu’s family, there is a strict no-phones-before-bedtime policy.
“My husband, my son and I all have to follow it; no using phones for an hour before we sleep,” she says.
Try an open-door policy
As we speak, Urmila is reminded of the notification she got earlier today: an online quiz for her 12-year-old as a part of her schoolwork. “The teachers show presentations in class, and those are also shared via Google,” she says. When the school calls for the use of screens, what can a parent do?
“If it’s for schoolwork, I allow them to use the phones, but it is always under partial supervision,” says Urmila. She finds support from Susan, who refuses to believe that this may be an invasion of their privacy. (“He’s 11!” she exclaims.) Admittedly, however, this can’t continue beyond a certain age. “At one point, you just have to hope you’ve taught them well enough and trust them,” says Urmila.
Try a different approach
Technology need not be the horn-and-tail demon protective parents make it out to be. It’s here to stay, so you might as well make a good use of it, feels Janu. “Change is constant,” she says, “And we have to deal with that.” Instead of completely banning screen time, she monitors the kind of games her son plays on it. And that means, “No mindless addictive fruit-slashing games. Instead, I have him play something that’ll challenge his brain, and hand-eye coordination,” she says.
She also credits learning apps with helping children visualise theoretical concepts such as pi, the pythagorean theorem… things children would learn by rote before.
