Women Uninterrupted is an inter-generational podcast bringing you difficult, different and uninterrupted conversations about being a woman.
In Episode 4, Gen X listens as a teenager describes her positive journey to recognising anxiety and depression, and the reactions of her family and peers.
Host: Anna ; Guests: Manna & Rashmi
Editor: Neha; Title music: The Carpet Beat, by Maya
The Women Uninterrupted podcast was produced by The Scribbling Pad for The Hindu. It is brought to you by BSCPL Infrastructure Ltd.
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Taking care of my mind
Neha Srinivas, Grade 12, writes
At school, I’m part of the Mind Matters Club, which is a mental health organization. In that sense, my school’s probably really unique. As a member, I’ve realized that a lot of people (especially schools and parents) often don’t know that there are ways to help kids diagnosed with mental health issues.
You constantly hear parents say, “Oh, there’s nothing we can do,” or “This is just a phase” - because they don’t know what else to say. While you can’t blame them for acting this way and being brought up in a generation where mental health was a taboo, you can blame them for not adapting. It’s the 21st century and mental health is real. Depression is real, anxiety is real - they know no age. And it’s common to feel like no one will understand what you’re going through. Stay safe and reach out to someone, even a parent.
The Mind: full text of the conversation
(The text has been edited for clarity)
Anna: Hello, I'm your host Anna, and with me I have Manna who's 14 years old, and Rashmi, the Gen X mother of a teenager. Today we have Manna and Rashmi learning from each other how to navigate the fairly new and very difficult conversations around mental health.
Manna, you told me that you've been an RJ on your school radio channel. Tell me about that. Has the channel ever produced a show about mental health?
Manna: No, not really. We did have a flash mob once about mental health, body image and the focus was on self-love.
Anna: Would you say body image is a significant trigger for mental health issues?
Manna: Yes, and especially for Gen Z. It has a lot to do with whether you like yourself, and I think that plays a big role in your mental health. Body image issues can lead to body dysmorphia, which is severe anxiety about how you think people perceive you.
Anna: As someone who has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, what do you think about triggers? What are the triggers for mental health issues?
Manna: Let me tell you, school pressure plays a large part from a depression point of view. But from an anxiety point of view, social media plays a larger part. Social media portrays teenagers to be who they are not. This makes you doubt yourself and who you are. There are insecurities, body image issues, plus it can also be trauma, it can be bullying, it can be just general anxiety.
Anna: So, triggers, you'd say they come from the outside, like from your parents, for good grades. From your friends on body image issues?
Manna: Well, yes, but it could also be from inside. For example, you’ve had a traumatic past and you get flashbacks that can lead to panic attacks, which can also lead to blackouts.
Anna: How about you and your peers? Do you help each other when one of you has an issue? After your diagnosis, did they stand up for you? What is their attitude towards mental health?
Manna: Well, I had a situation where I had a small fight with a girl, and I immediately went into ‘fight or flight’ mode. I started panicking and talking without thinking. After that, one of my classmates told me that “Your anxiety isn't an excuse for what you did,” even though I don't really remember what I did, and I couldn't help it. So, a few of them were not on my side, and a few of them told me they understood.
Anna: To just clear this up, one of your classmates, one of your friends, accused you of using your diagnosis as an excuse for what would be normal behavior in someone who has not been diagnosed?
Manna: Yes.
Anna: Manna, I must say it's heartwarming to see how comfortable you are talking about it when you know people are listening. There are so many people who are not comfortable talking about this issue.
Manna: Well, for me, because I want to grow up to become a therapist, and I feel comfortable talking about even my own issues in the hopes that people find it comfortable to talk to me about their issues.
Anna: What is the status of your peers? How aware are they of how mental health works?
Manna: Well, I would say that it all depends on how they were raised. I was lucky to be raised by a very open-minded family. I am extremely close to my mother, and these topics were not given the taboo label. But some of my peers might not be okay or comfortable talking about it openly, and they don't really understand the topic either.
Anna: I hope we get there soon.
So, Rashmi, we’re from a generation which did not recognise, we preferred to not talk about mental health. How would you recognise or how would you identify that your teen may need help with her mental health?
Rashmi: Well Anna, it's definitely hard to identify, especially with teens because they're always so moody and their behaviour tends to change. Actually, I have a burning question for you, Manna. How can parents get their teens to open up to them?
Manna: Well, I am close to my mom. We discuss the right, the wrong, the appropriate, the inappropriate, and she trusts me enough not to do anything that she wouldn't want me doing. As for the mental health aspect, she's always just told me that she's there for me no matter what I do. Obviously, I was a bit skeptical at first, but I have also changed with time. Now I tell her everything about my mental health.
Rashmi: That's wonderful. At what point did you realize that you needed professional help?
Manna: Well, for starters, I did not. My mom did. She figured because of the change in the behavior and the chest pain I had complained of. She was a doctor too so it was probably easier for her to understand faster than other parents. She identified my panic attacks and said, “Okay, you need help,” and took me to a therapist.
Rashmi: But Manna, doesn't behavior change anyway during adolescence?
Manna: Yeah, I guess but parents need to be listening to their teenagers. My mom, before I was diagnosed, she called me dramatic once and you know that song from ‘Hasee toh Phasee’ —Yeh chhori badhi drama queen hai? Whenever that song came on the radio, she'd look at me and she’d say, “That's Manna”.
Rashmi: Manna, how did you react when your mom said that she wanted to take you to a therapist?
Manna: I was good with it, but I must tell you that a few years ago, when my elder brother told me that “I'm going to ask mom to take us to a therapist,” I started crying because I thought it was unnatural. Right now, I realise that it is completely okay.
Rashmi: I think I was in that space when I was younger. So what helped you realise?
Manna: My friends. They normalised it, they normalised mental health. On Instagram, I post a lot of my mental health updates to my close friends. So, whenever I don't post for five hours, I'll get 15 calls just saying, “Are you okay?”
Anna: Okay. In this case, social media helped you out of certain situations, but studies show that it's also one of the triggers for poor mental health.
Manna: Yes, social media can be both good and bad. Bad especially for those who suffer with body image anxiety.
Anna: So, your point of view, Manna: tell me, parents sometimes react by banning phones for teens. What does a teen feel when that happens?
Manna: I'm not going to lie to you, we are addicted to our phones as an entire generation. So, I think giving access to social media, to really young kids is wrong, because they don't understand the concept of it. As we get older, I think you guys need to trust us and keep conversations open.
Anna: Point taken. Manna.
Rashmi, tell us about your encounter with action around mental health. You said, when you were younger, you went to a program where you did some sharing, which helped you get closure about certain struggles you had been going through?
Rashmi: Yes, actually, my company sent me to a forum where I could share and revisit my actions, and then try and be objective around it. When you are in a situation, you just build stories around it, and you are no longer able to distinguish the causes and the effects. When I was growing up, I wasn't really comfortable talking about mental health because there was a stigma associated with it. And in our times, we had neighbors and society playing the role of social media now. I remember my mother telling me not to make a bad name for the family.
Anna: Okay, what about those who are left out because they can't afford therapy? Therapy is expensive.
Manna: I agree. That is why there are people who give out free resources to help mental health get more better, and we just need to advertise it more. As for me personally, I'm going to grow up and become a psychologist, and I'm going to take money from the rich and help the poor.
Anna: Thank you. That sounds amazing. That's our very own Robin Hood therapist! Thank you for being on this podcast, Manna and Rashmi. For those who are listening, please dial 104 if you are in India and have questions, and need help with mental health.
