letter from a concerned reader Opinion

The story behind Mr. Mathrubootham's new name

Respected Madam/Sir,

On Friday Mrs. Mathrubootham came and said, “Old man do you remember or not?”

I said, “Kamalam, whether you are Kamalam Mathrubootham or Derek O’Brien? This is married life not Bournvita quiz contest. Please ask straightforward questions.”

She said, “Okay,” and left the living room and no more talks till next day.

On Saturday Mrs. Mathrubootham suddenly came into living room during climax of superhit film The Longest Day again acting as if quizmaster. “Hello, today are you remembering?” I said, “Oh my god Kamalam, just tell me what you want me to remember and immediately I will remember no?”

She said, “Car insurance is ending in one week. Last month itself you promised. Don’t forget.”

I said, “Kamalam, promise means promise. Within one week, car will have new insurance. Otherwise you change my name to anything, I will sign on bonded paper.” She started laughing hahahahahahah like Yamaha diesel generator. How many years we are married now? If each time you break promise and change your name means whole India not enough names are there. I have to use names like Sodium and Potassium and Cambodia. Please do less talks and more work. One week is left.

Sunday morning I am relaxing after breakfast and reading 1980s issue of Reader’s Digest, when without warning Mrs. M is entering living room like bathroom scene in superhit film Psycho. One moment I am reading nicely, next moment one lady in sari is standing 2 cm away. I said, “Kamalam, my god, one day you will give me heart attack.” She said, “If you get heart attack I will be happy,” then she put one more loud laugh and asked where are documents. I said, “What documents, whether you are wife or income tax raid?”

“Where are car insurance documents, only three days left!”

I said, “Kamalam, I have already started process, it will be complete in 24 hours. Please have patience.” She put one look and went off.

Monday morning she did not say anything. Whole day I thought she will come, she will come, but total silence. I read many Reader’s Digest.

Tuesday morning I woke up and thought my god within 24 hours I have to purchase car insurance but when I opened website, mind is going here and there, and I spent whole afternoon watching Hunt for Red October. After film I went to website and started giving all details for insurance.

Suddenly one kajabuja sound and computer did samadhi. I thought my god total humiliation. For two hours I am running around like anything then finally I called Mohammed Usman and said, “Brother, please renew car insurance for me? I will pay you later. Please do urgently otherwise Kamalam will explode like Pokhran.” He said, brother leave it in my hands.

Wednesday morning breakfast Mrs. Mathrubootham is looking at me but not saying anything. I said, “What is the matter, Kamalam? if you are thinking about car insurance it’s done. Mohammed Usman is doing for me.

Two minutes later Mohammed Usman called and said, “Sorry Mathrubootham some technical issue, I forgot to book car insurance. Is it too late? Can I do some help now?”

I said, “Mohammed Usman you can do one help.” He said, “Brother, for you anything.”

I said, rascal you find one new name for me and please register with government office.

Yours in exasperation,

J. Marilynmonroe

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Printable version | Jun 16, 2021 6:50:44 AM | https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/whats-in-a-name/article31755204.ece

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