Respected Madam/ Sir,
Mathrubootham life means what, madam/ sir? Means morning itself tragedy, tragedy, tragedy. Shall I explain the details? Listen carefully. Will any sympathy be there?
Morning 7 o’clock sharp alarm is going like anything. I woke up and after doing morning programmes like brushing teeth and all I went to living room and took newspaper. After sometime stomach is making sounds as if Yesudas. I thought ok what is time? Breakfast time is it? Then I look at the wristwatch. What did I see Madam/ Sir? I saw that according to Made in Japan Citizen wristwatch time is only 4:25 a.m. Means what? Means morning itself I have to go to the market and change the watch battery. Karumam of all karma.
Where is Mrs. Mathrubootham? I don’t know. So just like that I shouted into atmosphere: Kamalam, I am going to the market to change battery. Any other shopping is necessary?
At that moment my second son suddenly entered into living room from his bedroom as if Mir Jafar is entering Battle of Plassey. Appa, he said, looking at me. Kanna, I said, looking for nearby heavy object to throw. Madam/ sir, you are knowing everything about second son who is working from home nonstop for whole life since college graduation. I will not repeat that sad Ramayana anymore.
He said: “Appa, this is golden opportunity. For two years I am waiting for this day.” I said, what nonsense you are talking, kanna? He said, “Appa, whether you are recalling my birthday gift from two years back?” I said, novel? He said, no. I said, DVD player? No. I said, is it headphones that is so big that Kathakali dancer feeling is coming? He said, no no, appa, do you remember I gave you one fitness watch for measuring steps and calories and all? At that moment Kamalam entered the living room without any warning as if rainy season short circuit in roadside transformer.
Whole family whether even one person will enter room with warning? It is the curse of Mathrubootham.
Immediately, Mrs. M said, “Kanna, superb idea. For two years I am telling old man please wear fitness watch. Walk 10000 steps. Whether your father will listen. No. It is like reciting Shakespeare to hippopotamus.”
I said, ok stop this nonsense. Morning itself eating head. Ok give watch I will wear immediately.
Madam/ Sir, you thought headache over? Now real headache started. First it took one hour to find watch. Then after finding watch charging it for two hours. Then when watch is switched on, new problem. Son is saying watch needs special app on phone. Please install urgently. I said, you take my phone and install. But now new problem, memory is not there in phone it seems. I said, Kanna, just remove some game or something. Whether he will listen? Ha ha ha. Better to feed cucumber to cow and wait for raita in the morning.
He took two hours to install app. Superb! Now I can wear watch? Never. Watch is needing new update. Another 45 minutes.
Finally at 4 p.m. everything is ready. I put watch on my hand. Time is correct. Date is correct. Watch is looking beautiful. I said ok, Kamalam shall I go for one evening walk and measure steps and everything?
She said, old man, whether brain is gone like watch battery? During corona time who will step out of house? No need to go for walk and all for minimum 2-3 months. New watch means you will walk whole country or what?
I said ok. What else was there to say?
Yours in exasperation,
J. Mathrubootham
