It is time that we realised how pressing an issue it is becoming with each passing day, engulfing every culture and civilisation, irrespective of nationality, race, caste, education, income, social status, age and every such aspect.
In most recorded cases, the victims cannot identify, in the first place, that they are being abused, owing to widespread fallacies and limited understanding. Things build up so subtly, unpredictably and gradually that they are not even aware of what is happening.
The abuser turns out to be someone they adore and love. The relation commences so sweetly, oh so much like it’s a “rainbow every day and full moon every night”, so much so you wouldn’t imagine in the wildest of your dreams that someday sadism is going to creep in. There is no suspicion as the victim cease to know or even understand what is happening, what is normal and what isn’t, what is real and what isn’t; the abuser knows exactly and too precisely what he is up to and how it is unfolding and possibly heading towards.
The circumstances are skilfully woven that the victim begin holding herself responsible for provoking the violent responses, the unforeseen change in attitude. If only she could handle the situation placidly without any provocation, the violence will come to a full stop and life will be back on smooth tracks once more, she thinks.
But all of such attempts crash to futility, for slowly but surely, her self-esteem is chipped away, eroded to non-existence. She is given to understand that she is some useless rag, with absolutely no worth, at the mercy of the vindictive assailant. Brainwashed, exhausted and drained of any energy, any paltry hope or reason, she is surrounded with unexplained guilt, fear and trauma. Very soon, he has her walking on eggshells.
Unkindest cut
It is everywhere in every form — psychological, emotional, financial and physical. She is distanced from her family, friends, and relatives and any other possible sources of help and support, both geographically and psychologically, in an extremely unseemly and devious manner.
Life is a drudge, a burden to be dragged forward each passing day, gulping down all humiliation, for she is helpless. She can’t seek any help, because she possibly cannot risk telling anyone about it. There’s always a reason convincing enough to cover every bruised neck, every sprained wrist, every black eye and every fractured ankle. She hides it from everyone, for her own sake. The stress ages her before time.
Why? What could be the crazy idea? Well, all the intimidation and assault is to assert control and authority over every facet of her life, to manipulate her. That’s it, abject rage, coercive control, menace, humiliation, embarrassment, degradation, permanent trepidation and what not!
Why not leave? Well, if you must know, that is the most dangerous decision ever. Once she hints at that, she is done for. Often, it ends up in cases of homicide, owing to complex emotions. He can’t stand to see her happy and if he can’t be happy, neither can her. It is a selfish act by a coward and bully, committed in the most cruel and premeditated way.
It is high time to realise that this has to come to an end. We need to act and reach out to those in need. Remember, abuse breeds in silence. Break the silence. Talk to the victims, start a conversation, actively listen to what they have to say, be empathetic, don’t be judgmental, stay calm and you could be the source of relief and hope for them. They may not open up; so be patient, look out for behavioural anomalies such as being overly meek, apologetic, anxious and always on edge, depressed; loss of interest in work and hobbies; frequent suicidal thoughts; being withdrawn and distant, and isolating from family and friends.
Be there for them and assure them, validate their feelings and finally help to form a safety plan.
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