His face spews raw anger and protest as he gesticulates violently at his father, who quickly moves forward, avoiding perhaps a rude shove. His mother steps in between them expertly and pats her son on his shoulder, while he fiercely turns around as if he would walk away. His sister, slightly older, walks a few steps away from the rest, alarm and shame writ large on her face.
This was a spectacle I witnessed while coming out of a crowded railway station recently. The family, apparently of good means and education, was entering the platform, a couple of bags in hand. The boy of around 15 years or so was hissing something between clenched teeth while his mother kept patting his back, seemingly reasoning with him. The father walks ahead, head lowered, and helpless.
The demeanour of the boy reminded me of another incident I had noticed the day before. Here it was a father and his teenage son who had arrived on a scooter at a grocery store. The father picked up a shopping bag and motioned to his son to join him. When he did not oblige, the man looked at him again — and what I saw sent a sharp shiver down my back. The son was staring back with such anger, resentment and disgust that his father moved away quickly to complete his business in the shop. I stealthily glanced at the boy and found him looking into the blankness before him, layers of indifference and scorn on his face.
I try to connect the two incidents and recollect another one related by a friend who works in a counselling centre. She spoke about a girl of 16 who could not bear to live with her parents. She just hated them! She had her circle of friends, girls and boys, with whom she used to hang out, at times skipping classes for films, eating out and the like. Being a minor, she along with her companions were picked up, during college hours, by the police during one such outing and produced before the Child Welfare Committee constituted under the Juvenile Justice Act.
The parents, as could be imagined, were aghast and in total denial at first. Subsequently, they expressed their helplessness and asked for professional help. The counsellor found her to be an intelligent child but extremely selfish, insistent upon her own rights, privacy and independence. She could see no harm in having fun as in her view, life is short and there is so much to see, feel, taste and enjoy.
Widely prevalent
These are no longer isolated instances, as can be seen from reports from teachers, police officials, psychologists, counsellors, social workers and others, and are not limited to any one section of society, economic, social or religious group. Parents seem to have lost control over their children. Most often, they themselves are embroiled in their own problems — marital, emotional, physical, career-based, financial and so on. Parenting skills that are so important in today’s world, are not taught. This includes love, care, support, encouragement, praise, discipline, guidance and much, much more. The number of dysfunctional families is growing and society is paying the price in terms of rising delinquencies by juveniles — thefts, rapes, individual and gang violence, cybercrimes, drugs, suicides et al , a wanton waste of precious talent, potential and life.
This led me to an interaction with a group of children aged between 10 and 16 years, all enjoying the best that money and position of parents can give. I asked, “Why this constant anger, this open defiance of directions and guidance from parents and teachers and scant respect for elders?” Their replies set me thinking and the answers I find are incomplete. A sample goes thus: “Studies are heavy and boring and parents are constantly scolding us about marks. Our parents themselves did not score full marks! We don’t see how maths, algebra, history and the like will help us in our future. Parents don’t understand us. Teachers just don't care about us.”
It is time we took serious note of this situation. Our teachers have to be better trained and made responsible for timely interventions that will help the child.
The author is a former IAS officer and Secretary to the Government of Kerala. Post-retirement, she served as adviser to the government on Gender Empowerment and Child Protection. ljacobsd@gmail.com
