I recently watched the Tamil movie Vaazhl , and one of the things that stuck me was the line, “The people you meet in your life have the power to change it.”
When you come to think about the truth behind the quote, you recall the myriad types of people you have encountered, who have said or done something that essentially changed your life. Real life is not always as dramatic as life on screen, and the changes you experienced may not have been as pronounced as plot twists in movies and novels. But it is undeniable that the people in our lives make a difference. Unfortunately, or realistically, these changes are not always positive.
To cite an instance of a negative change, someone I once considered a friend made a passing remark that I was clingy and to this day, when I feel really down, the one thing I ask the people close to me is, if they find me clingy. It is astounding how having the wrong room mate, partner or friend can change your self-image and make you beat yourself up so much.
One of the luxuries of growing up is you can make your circle as small as possible. In the series Bojack Horseman , the titular character says, “There is nothing lonelier than a party.” One way I like to interpret the quote is that there is no point being surrounded by a large, booming crowd, especially when you cannot truly talk or open up to anyone from the seemingly amicable crowd. When you fail to create your inner circle, and build relationships with mutual trust and compassion, “One day, you’re going to look around and realise that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you, and that is the loneliest feeling in the world”, as Bojack mentions.
I learnt this the hard way but not everyone you find interesting deserves your time and attention. You learn this especially through the rough terrains of your teenage years, with the whole range of friendships, crushes, disappointments and betrayals.
The hardest realisation, perhaps, is that even beyond your teen years, the people you encounter throughout your life are always going to be a mix of wholesome and toxic ones. For every person who needlessly tramples upon your self-worth, despite you not reciprocating their cruelty, there are those who will make you feel the way sunshine does after a long winter.
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