hy do women lack self-confidence relative to their male counterparts?” While addressing Indian and American women in industry and academia, without exception I have had to stop with my third presentation slide, which posed this very question.
At that point the session invariably becomes interactive, dwelling on the challenges career women face. I always tell the American and the Indian women that the grass is not necessarily greener elsewhere on the planet.
No doubt their upbringing and social norms constrain the confidence levels of many women. But nothing compounds the problem more than the pressure to find balance in one’s personal and professional lives. Raising children primarily remains a woman’s task even in this age and time.
American women (some of whom are familiar with aspects of Indian culture) believe that middle and upper income Indian career women have it easier than in their own cases. They believe Indian career women have the luxury of a parent or parent-in-law who can relieve them of at least a few hours of childcare responsibilities every day. They wish they would have a warm dinner awaiting them when they return home, which they believe is the case for all Indian women. I have tried to convince them that while it may be easy to hire help in India, it is difficult to retain them. I point out that American working mothers could definitely expect their spouses to take up a fair share of household chores and childcare functions, which is not always the case in India.
So, women do the tightrope walking between their personal and professional lives, in whichever continent they are.
The glass ceiling is a big confidence-buster. As one rises in the ladder, opportunities start to decline for women and the “old boys’ network” tightens its grip. Women who try to break the ceiling are seen as aggressive, are subjected to much ridicule, and many give up their pursuit of senior positions.
Unless they have a powerful mentor and lady luck showers her graces on them, they settle for the lower or middle-level positions.
Yet another confidence-buster comes when women hit the big 40. Despite medical advances, there is no treatment for the 40-50 syndrome. This is when American women form strong bonds with other females, and many even take occasional weekend trips, leaving their spouses to manage the household.
In India, it is quite unheard of for women to take off for a few days of leisure, leaving their spouses to manage the household, unless they are organising a function for a family member. In India, however, given the networks with extended family members, it is possible to retain some level of sanity during one’s 40s, although constant interaction with extended family often comes at a price.
Loneliness starts to cast its long shadow as women near the big 50 (even if they enjoy a successful career and family life). Female bonding is the norm to successfully navigate the onset of middle age in the U.S.
There is also a growing trend of taking up a hobby during the golden years, which can be a real confidence- booster for women. A hobby, contrary to conventional wisdom, helps with time management.
Yet there are many women in both these nations who have beaten the odds and ascended higher and higher levels in their organisations. How are they different? These women constantly work at building their confidence. They have strong mentors, they have network with other professionals, they enjoy strong family support, they attend workshops to hone their soft skills, they read and exercise, and they cultivate a thick skin (high emotional quotient, in business-speak).
Let me tell the women that self-confidence is an innate trait. But it needs to come to the fore, and it is in your power to do so, with perhaps a powerful and nurturing mentor who can reinforce this for you.
Finally, wake up every morning and mentally chant this mantra as you prepare your children’s lunch boxes: “I am confident.” There is a big movement among the professional class in the U.S. focussing on the benefits of mantra-chanting — which is an Indian export. It’s time you reclaimed it.
The author is Professor of Strategy & Global Business, Williams College of Business, Xavier University, Cincinnati, U.S.
krishnan@xavier.edu
